Infidelity Counselling
How to rebuild trust after a betrayal
Someone cheated. Now what?
Affairs once discovered are deeply painful and can seem life shattering. Believe it or not there is a process to help you through this. I am a psychotherapist specialising in couples and marriage counselling. I have a particular interest in helping couples heal and grow from affairs. I work from two locations in Adelaide, one in the CBD and the other in North Adelaide.
After an initial two hour session where I come to grips with your particular experience, we will then regularly work through a process to help you navigate the difficulties of adultery, but with a view to restoring order and sense to the situation.
1
Pain
Acknowledging and managing your pain is where we start.
2
Understanding
Understanding why there was a vulnerability to an affair is next.
Important: seeking to understand does not mean seeking to justify.
3
Make a Decision
In the light of your new understanding about yourself, your partner, and the relationship, it is time to make a decision: stay or go.
"Most people I’ve known who experienced infidelity just ended things. I didn’t want to do that. We had invested too many years together, we have children together and a small part of me kept saying don’t give up, just don’t give up! I am so grateful we found Nicholas. He guided us through a very difficult time with wisdom but also really practical strategies and tips. Over time we developed a much better understanding of ourselves and why the affair had happened. I know my husband better. He knows me better. We didn’t give up. I made peace with it."
— A & N
Blog Posts about Infidelity
FAQs
Where are you located in Adelaide?
I have two offices, one in Flinders St in the city, and another in North Adelaide.
Is infidelity trauma real?
For some people it is. Managing the pain is the first hurdle we have to overcome in working on healing from infidelity.
Do I have to forgive my partner for hurting me?
Eventually you do if you want to stay in a relationship with the same person, but it is important to know that forgiveness is a much more complicated idea than is commonly thought of. By forgiving we are primarily working towards releasing you from lingering unhelpful thoughts and feelings. Forgiveness frees you.
Sex after infidelity?
Everything in good time. Don’t rush it. And don’t be confused about your confused feelings, everything is normal.
Will I ever be able to trust them again?
Everything in good time. But additionally, we will radically explore this concept and learn a new approach to safety within a relationship.
I can’t let go of the person I’m having the affair with.
If you are still having an affair and are genuinely attached to the person, we can explore this individually and understand why you are so attached to them. At this stage we would not be doing work as a couple, but individually. If you end that relationship and wanted to refocus on your primary relationship we can work through that at that time.