What is betrayal trauma?
Introduction
Betrayal trauma is a psychological response to feeling unsafe in relationships. It occurs when you are betrayed or deceived by someone who was once trustworthy. You may experience betrayal trauma if your spouse has an affair or a friend betrays your trust. Betrayal can also occur when a doctor or therapist fails to meet their professional obligations, like keeping information confidential. The result of betrayal is similar to experiencing PTSD after an assault because you feel afraid and vulnerable again, but this time it's not just physical—it's emotional as well!
Every relationship has the potential for betrayal.
In a relationship, there is always the potential for betrayal. The human brain, no matter how happy or fulfilled it is in a relationship, will always be wired to look for signs of threat and danger. The brain’s primary function is survival and self-preservation and so we are hypervigilant when it comes to protecting ourselves from harm. We evolved this way because our ancestors lived in a world where danger could come at any moment—you never knew if your next meal would come from hunting or gathering (hunting was much less predictable), you didn’t know if your enemies would attack today or tomorrow, you didn’t know if you would get injured by another tribe member or an animal on any given day, etcetera…
This means that our brains are not capable of distinguishing between real danger and imagined danger. This does not mean that every time someone looks at their phone while they're out with their partner they secretly think “I'm going to cheat on them!." What it does mean though is that because betrayal has been such an integral part of human history (and still is today), humans have developed ways of reacting strongly when they feel threatened… even if the threat isn't real!
When there is an affair, you may experience betrayal trauma.
When you think of betrayal in a relationship, the first thing that probably comes to mind is infidelity. An extramarital affair is a betrayal of trust because it's an act that violates your personal understanding of what it means for someone to be faithful to you. It can also be a traumatic event if you live in a society where infidelity carries social stigma and/or criminal consequences like jail time or fines.
However, an affair isn't always the only type of betrayal trauma experienced by couples who have broken up. Sometimes people break up with their partners because they were never really interested in being together at all—they just wanted attention from someone else and their relationship was used as bait for getting some flirtation going between them! This kind of "relationship" didn't start out as an affair but still ends up hurting those involved whether or not there was physical contact between them or not; this type of "relationship" still involves emotional attachment which makes it hurt more when things fall apart later on down the road... More important than any kind material gain gained through such interactions though is learning how not let our own needs become based on another person’s capacity: even if they do everything right this time around doesn’t mean they will next time!
Betrayal trauma theory has been researched by psychologists.
This theory has been studied by psychologists, and well-supported findings indicate that betrayal trauma is real. Studies show that betrayal trauma can be caused by many things other than infidelity—things like:
Betrayal by a friend or family member.
The death of a loved one.
Being the victim of bullying in childhood or abuse in adulthood (physical, sexual and/or emotional), especially if this occurred at home or school where it was expected to be safe.
Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma
Recognizing the symptoms of betrayal trauma is crucial for healing and recovery. Symptoms can vary widely among individuals but often include:
Intrusive thoughts about the betrayal that can suddenly and overwhelmingly flood the individual’s mind.
Emotional instability, including mood swings, anger, sadness, or feelings of despair.
Anxiety and fear, particularly about the betrayal being repeated or extending mistrust to others who were not involved in the betrayal.
Difficulty with trust, making it hard to form new relationships or maintain existing ones.
Withdrawal from social interactions and activities once enjoyed, leading to isolation.
Physical symptoms, such as insomnia, changes in appetite, or unexplained physical ailments.
Feelings of worthlessness or shame, especially if the betrayal involved abuse or neglect.
Betrayal Trauma Signs
Identifying the signs of betrayal trauma can be the first step toward seeking help and beginning the healing process. Key signs include:
Reluctance to talk about the betrayal or minimizing its impact, which can be a defense mechanism to avoid confronting the pain.
Changes in behavior, such as becoming more secretive, aggressive, or dependent on substances like alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism.
Signs of PTSD, including flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety related to the events of the betrayal.
Avoidance of certain people or places that are reminders of the betrayal, which can limit the individual's ability to live a full life.
Loss of interest in activities or goals that were once important, reflecting a sense of hopelessness or despair about the future.
Struggles with self-esteem and identity, as the betrayal may lead to questioning one's judgment or self-worth.
Understanding these experiences and signs is essential in acknowledging the profound effects betrayal trauma can have on an individual's life. Recognizing the symptoms and signs not only helps in identifying those who are suffering but also in providing them with the necessary support and resources to begin the journey toward healing.
Understanding Emotional Abuse within Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma often stems from emotional abuse, particularly in relationships where trust is expected, such as those with intimate partners or caregivers. Emotional abuse, characterized by manipulation, coercion, and severe criticism, undermines an individual's sense of self-worth and security, leading to profound psychological effects. Recognizing the signs of emotional abuse is crucial in identifying and addressing betrayal trauma, as it lays the groundwork for the complex dynamics at play in these hurtful relationships.
Mental Health Implications of Betrayal Trauma
The impact of betrayal trauma on mental health cannot be overstated. Victims often experience a range of psychological issues, including anxiety, depression, and symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The work of Jennifer Freyd, who introduced the concept of betrayal trauma, highlights how the breach of trust by someone close can lead to significant mental health challenges. The trauma is intensified when the betrayal involves intimate partners or institutions, where there is an inherent expectation of protection and care.
The Phenomenon of Betrayal Blindness
Betrayal blindness is a concept developed by Jennifer Freyd that refers to the tendency of victims to not see or consciously acknowledge betrayal to protect themselves from the psychological turmoil of recognizing the betrayal. This defense mechanism can be particularly evident in cases of sexual abuse by trusted individuals or institutions. It serves as a survival strategy, allowing victims to maintain necessary relationships, especially when they depend on the betrayer for support or have nowhere else to turn.
Symptoms and Signs of Betrayal Trauma
Identifying betrayal trauma involves recognizing its symptoms, which can overlap with those of PTSD. These include intrusive thoughts, heightened vigilance, avoidance behaviors, and emotional numbing. Victims may also exhibit signs of confusion, difficulty trusting others, and a profound sense of loss and grief over the betrayal. Understanding these symptoms is key to providing appropriate support and intervention for those who have experienced betrayal trauma.
Institutional Betrayal: Extending Beyond Personal Relationships
Institutional betrayal occurs when organizations or entities that individuals depend on for safety and wellbeing violate that trust, exacerbating the trauma experienced by victims. This can include schools, religious institutions, the military, and healthcare providers, where systemic issues like covering up abuse or failing to support victims properly can deepen the trauma. Recognizing institutional betrayal is crucial for addressing the broader context in which betrayal trauma occurs and advocating for systemic changes to protect and support victims.
Betrayal Trauma and Its Connection to Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse by intimate partners or trusted individuals represents one of the most profound breaches of trust, often leading to betrayal trauma. The intimate nature of these relationships compounds the psychological damage, leaving victims to grapple with feelings of violation, shame, and mistrust. Addressing sexual abuse within the context of betrayal trauma requires a nuanced understanding of the dynamics of power, control, and trust that define these experiences.
You can have symptoms of PTSD after a betrayal.
If you have been through a traumatic experience, it can leave you with PTSD. Some of the symptoms of PTSD include:
Flashbacks, where your mind replays the traumatic event over and over again
Avoiding people or places that remind you of the trauma
Feeling numb and detached from other people.
Negative changes in mood, including feeling unable to enjoy things that used to give you pleasure. These symptoms can be severe enough to interfere with daily life, work and relationships for months or years at a time after an experience like betrayal trauma in a relationship.
Signs of betrayal trauma include hypervigilance and chronic pain.
Hypervigilance is a state of high alertness, in which you constantly feel like something bad is about to happen.
Chronic pain is persistent pain that lasts more than three months.
Chronic pain can be caused by stress, anxiety and trauma.
Chronic pain leads to depression and anxiety.
It is possible to heal from betrayal trauma in a relationship.
If you were in a relationship with someone who betrayed you, it's important to be aware of the signs of betrayal trauma. You may have felt like your world was falling apart and that there was no way out. It's okay to feel angry and hurt, but also remember that it's possible to heal from betrayal trauma in a relationship.
It is possible to heal from betrayal trauma in a relationship by seeking professional help or speaking with someone who has been through this experience before. The first step towards healing is accepting the fact that your partner made a mistake, and because of this mistake, trust has been broken between the two of you. However, there are steps which can be taken towards repairing trust after betrayal:
Betrayal trauma is the sense of being unsafe when you should feel safe.
Betrayal trauma is the sense of being unsafe when you should feel safe. It’s a traumatic reaction to discovering or experiencing betrayal in your relationship, whether that betrayal comes from your partner, a close friend or family member, or even yourself.
As long as we live with humans who are imperfect and fallible and make mistakes along the way—and we will—betrayal will continue happening in our relationships. But understanding what betrayal trauma feels like can help us process it better so that when it happens to us or someone we love we can get back on track sooner rather than later.
Conclusion
The most important thing to remember when dealing with betrayal trauma is that it is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. You may feel like your life has been torn apart, but this feeling will fade with time and support from others who understand what you have been through.
