How to restore sexual intimacy after infidelity

Introduction

Infidelity can be devastating to a couple's emotional and sexual intimacy. The betrayal of trust is hard enough on its own, but the aftermath can be even more challenging. It may seem like it'll take forever before you're able to feel comfortable with your partner again or have sex with them in the same way as before—but just because healing takes time doesn't mean you shouldn't try! A lot of the couples I work with say it takes about 2 years before sexual intimacy returns to their relationship.

In this post, I'll discuss some ways to restore intimacy after infidelity and what steps you can take to get there.

Acknowledge how you feel.

It's important to acknowledge your feelings, as they can help you heal and move forward. If you're feeling angry, don't try to pretend that you're not. If you are feeling hurt, don't try to change those feelings into something else. Even if it feels like the right thing to do—like if your partner has been apologetic and is trying hard to make things better—try not to suppress any of the emotions that come up for you during this time.

Accept that it may take time to heal from sexual infidelity.

• It may take time to heal from sexual infidelity, but you can restore your sexual intimacy.

• Understand that it will take time to rebuild trust and your relationship. Don't rush things or try to force them to happen too quickly.

• Focus on the present and don't worry about the future.

Be clear on what you want.

Before you can begin to rebuild trust, you need to know what exactly it is that you want from your partner and how he or she plans to address the issues that led to the infidelity.

While it may seem like an obvious question, be sure that you and your partner are clear on what it is that you both want out of the relationship now. Do not assume anything about what either of you will want in the future—it's better to discuss these things when there isn't any pressure on either person.

You also need to be clear about what it is that you do not want out of this relationship as well: being hurt again by someone who cares for me shouldn't be among those items! Finally, talk about what it is that would help restore trust between both of us going forward (and ensure) - if someone says they'll never cheat again but then continues acting suspiciously---is this really a safe place?

Commit to honesty.

• Commit to honesty.

• Tell the truth as much as possible, no matter how painful it might be. This includes being honest with yourself and your partner about what happened when you were unfaithful, what you feel and think now, and why you behaved in such a way. It also means being willing to talk about the past in front of your children if they were around during the affair or if they are old enough to understand sexual relationships between adults (age-appropriate conversations will vary).

• Don't hide things from friends or family just because it feels like too much for you right now; instead make sure everyone knows what is going on so they can support both of you through this difficult time.

Discuss the situation with a therapist.

Having a therapist will help you understand your own feelings, as well as your partner's. The therapist can help you work through the issues together, and they will be able to guide both of you in learning how to trust again. If it's difficult for either of you to talk about these things with each other, it may make sense for one partner (or both) to see their own therapists privately before meeting with the couple's therapist together.

Focus on your relationship instead of the infidelity.

It's important to remember that the infidelity was never your fault. You did not cause it, and you cannot control it. The only thing you can control is how you respond to the situation. When thinking about possible solutions, focus on what you want to achieve instead of what you're trying to avoid.

You may be afraid that if you get back together with your spouse they'll cheat again—but this is not a good reason to stay away from them or end things permanently. Instead of dwelling on these fears, think about all the reasons why restoring your relationship could strengthen both of your lives moving forward.

Reexamine your intimacy needs.

The first step to figuring out how to restore sexual intimacy is to examine your own needs. If you're the unfaithful partner, you may be feeling angry and resentful towards your spouse or significant other for not understanding why sex was important to you before the affair. If so, take some time to reflect on what might have been behind this desire for more sex than they were willing to give at home. Was it a physical issue? A relationship issue? Or something else entirely?

Once you've done some soul-searching around why this desire existed in the first place, try articulating those needs with your partner in an open way that doesn't blame them or make them feel bad about themselves. You can even use our tips from above if necessary! It's also important that both parties acknowledge each other's needs and what part of their lives will contribute towards meeting them (ex: quality time together) as well as any potential roadblocks along the way (ex: not being able to afford a babysitter).

Talk to each other about sex and intimacy.

Once you have the time and space to talk, it’s important that you do. You need to find out what your partner needs in order to feel safe and secure, loved and connected, respected and valued, validated and understood. You also want them to learn about what you need from them in order for you to feel safe and secure, loved and connected, respected and valued, validated and understood.

It is crucial that both of you voice all of these needs openly so that each person has a clear understanding of what their partner needs from them—and vice versa—after an affair occurs.

It can be hard to restore emotional and sexual intimacy after infidelity, but focusing on your needs, communicating them clearly, and getting professional help are all ways to work through it.

To restore emotional and sexual intimacy after infidelity, it's important to focus on your needs. For example, you may want to talk with a therapist or sex therapist about how you can meet those needs. You should also talk with your partner about what he or she wants and needs in order to feel connected again.

In addition, it can help to communicate clearly about the changes that have occurred in your relationship since the affair. If there are things that have changed for you that aren't good for the relationship (like needing more time alone), let your partner know this as soon as possible so he or she doesn't get hurt by any feelings of rejection when he/she asks for something later on down the road only for them not being able to receive it because you've already made other plans!

Conclusion

Restoring emotional and sexual intimacy after infidelity is a long process. You may not be able to do it on your own, so enlisting the help of a therapist can be invaluable. You may also want to consider couples’ therapy with an emphasis on rebuilding trust in relationships.