Will My Marriage Survive Infidelity? How to heal a marriage when one is cheated on.
Introduction
Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences in a marriage. It can feel like your entire world has been turned upside down, and that nothing will ever be right again. The good news is that it's possible to rebuild trust and even grow closer than ever before. But first you have to ask yourself: Is my marriage going to survive this? If you want to save your relationship, don't let yourself get stuck in the middle of the question mark! Let's dive into what we know about infidelity and its effect on marriages—and then take some steps toward healing together as a couple.
What is infidelity?
Infidelity is a violation of trust. It's when someone has sex with someone other than their partner, or even just flirts with someone else. Infidelity can be emotional, physical or both. It's a betrayal of the relationship between two people who love each other and share an intimate bond.
How common is infidelity?
How common is infidelity? According to a recent survey, the percentage of men who admit to cheating on their wives is about 20 percent. For women, it's closer to 10 percent. So how much more common is infidelity than we think? And what are the consequences of cheating in your relationship?
What does this mean for you and your marriage? If you're one half of a couple whose union has been rocked by an affair (or several), then you may be wondering if there's any hope left for your marriage after such an emotional blow. The answer is yes! But first things first: You need help navigating this difficult terrain so that you can begin healing from betrayal and move forward with integrity--together as one united team again someday soon.
Why do people cheat?
Everyone has their own reasons for cheating. Some people cheat because they are unhappy in their relationship, some people cheat because they are unhappy with their life, and some people cheat because they are unhappy with themselves or their marriage.
In many cases, if you ask a cheater why they did it, they will tell you that it had nothing to do with you or your relationship--they just wanted something different (or more). This response can be devastating for someone who has been cheated on because it implies that everything was fine until the affair happened; which suggests there was no problem before hand.
How to find out if your spouse has cheated.
Your spouse is evasive about time or location of activities.
Your spouse is secretive about phone or computer use.
Your spouse is spending more time away from home.
Your spouse is spending more money than usual.
Your spouse's behavior has changed significantly, especially in how they behave with you and others around you, such as being rude or angry for no reason at all, having sudden mood swings that last for days at a time (especially if they used to be happy), avoiding eye contact with you when talking face-to-face (this can also be a sign that they're lying), etc..
Can a marriage survive an affair?
The answer to this question depends on a lot of factors. First, it depends on the type of affair and what happened during it. Some affairs are just sex; others involve emotional attachment and even love. If your partner had an emotional attachment with another person while they were still in marriage with you, then there's no way it can be fixed without ending that marriage first--and that may not even be enough!
In addition to these details about the affair itself is also how strong your marriage was before this happened. If there were already cracks in your relationship or if one partner was unhappy for some other reason (e.g., narcissism), then those cracks will widen even further when faced with an unfaithful spouse who has been lying about their feelings for someone else all along!
What do we mean by "survive?"
Survival could mean that your marriage is still intact, but it's not healthy. That's one way to look at it. Another way is that the relationship has survived, but it's no longer intact--there's been some sort of damage done that can never be undone. A third way to define survival would be if you were able to save your marriage after infidelity and get back on track with each other; the two of you may never be quite as close or connected as before, but at least you're still together and working on making things better between yourselves!
What will I be able to do to help my marriage survive?
It can be helpful to understand the stages of grief.
Denial: You may deny that your spouse has had an affair, or you may try to convince yourself that it was just a one-time thing and it won't happen again. If this is how you're feeling, then go back and read the previous section again! It's important for couples who have experienced infidelity to accept what happened as real and true before they can move forward with their marriage.
Anger: As with any loss, anger plays an important role in recovery from infidelity. It's normal for people who have been cheated on--and even those who have cheated--to feel angry at first; however, if this emotion lasts longer than expected or becomes unmanageable (for example, if it leads to violence), then professional help should be sought immediately.
Bargaining: You might bargain with God or anyone else who will listen: "If only I hadn't made so many mistakes in my life...or if only he/she hadn't cheated...or if only we'd never met..." These thoughts are common after experiencing infidelity but should eventually subside so that healing may occur.* Depression: Feeling depressed about your situation is normal after experiencing betrayal; however, depression can also lead people into self-destructive behaviors such as substance abuse.* Acceptance: When all else fails and there seems no other option but acceptance of what happened (whether it be accepting responsibility for causing the problem yourself or simply accepting reality), then this stage should come naturally as long as there has been enough time spent grieving over previous stages first."
Things you can do on your own.
Understand why your spouse cheated.
Understand what you need to do to heal.
Understand what you need to do to ensure it doesn't happen again.
Talk to a therapist or counselor, who can help you figure out what the issues are and how they can be resolved in your marriage so that infidelity doesn't happen again in the future - or if it does, how you can prevent it from happening again by communicating better with each other and being more open about boundaries and needs (which is something both partners should work on). You may also want to consider joining an online support group for people experiencing similar situations as yours; there's nothing like hearing stories from others who have been through this type of trauma firsthand! Finally, forgiving your spouse will also be crucial if you want any chance at salvaging things between the two of you after finding out about their cheating ways; but don't worry -- forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting what happened either...
Healing and recovery after an affair.
You need to be honest with yourself about what you want from the relationship. Are you willing to work through the pain and betrayal, or are you ready to walk away? If your spouse cheated on you, there's a good chance that they will do it again. Is this something that would make it impossible for you to trust them? If so, then perhaps ending things is best for everyone involved.
If not, then maybe there are ways for both of you (and hopefully even your children) to heal from this experience together as a family unit if possible.
There is always hope for a relationship, but the healing process might be painful and lengthy.
The healing process is not easy. It can be painful and lengthy, but there is always hope for a relationship to survive infidelity.
It's important to remember that you are not alone in this difficult time; there are many resources available to help you through the process of healing from infidelity. You may want to seek counseling or join a support group where you can meet others who have experienced similar situations and find comfort in their stories. You may also find it helpful to talk with friends who understand what you're going through, as well as family members who can provide emotional support when needed most (and offer an unbiased perspective on what's happening).
Conclusion
Infidelity is one of the most devastating experiences that a person can go through. It's important to know that there is always hope for a relationship, but the healing process might be painful and lengthy. The first step in healing from infidelity is accepting what happened, which will help you move forward with your life. You'll need to find ways to cope with your emotions and rebuild trust within yourself before trying again with another partner.
