Is there a third party in your relationship?
Introduction
If you're in a relationship with someone who has an addiction, it can feel like he or she is cheating on you. However, when someone has an addiction, it's not really cheating. An addiction is just something that comes between you and the person you love—it's not another person. But if you've never dealt with addiction before and your partner is struggling with one now, it may be hard to understand what this means for your relationship.
Addiction is a third party in any relationship
Addiction is a third party in any relationship.
It’s not your fault that someone you love has an addiction, but it’s also not your responsibility to fix them. The good news is that there are lots of things you can do to help make recovery more likely, and we’ve outlined many of those here. But first: It's important to understand that addiction is a disease—it doesn't mean the person who has it is a bad person or even irresponsible, but it does mean they have a chronic health condition that requires ongoing management and care if they want to live a healthy life.
It's not always easy to notice an addiction
It's not always easy to notice an addiction, especially if the person you love is hiding it from you. Addiction is often hidden and subtle, so it may take some digging before you can really see what's going on with your partner or friend. Addictions come in all shapes and sizes, but most of them share several common traits:
They involve a compulsive need for something that feels good (or relieves stress) in the short term
They make it difficult for people who have them to resist using their drug or behavior of choice—even when they have negative consequences as a result
People who have addictions often keep their habit secret from others
If you're only worried about this because of your partner's behavior, you may need help yourself.
If you're only worried about this because of your partner's behavior, you may need help yourself. If you are enabling another person by making excuses for their bad behavior, giving them money or something else they want, or letting them use you as a doormat in some other way, then clearly there is an issue between the two of you that needs to be addressed.
You may also have a history of being enablers. This can happen in families where parents enable their children (even though it does not help children grow up). It can also happen with siblings who treat each other poorly and end up enabling each other out of fear that if one stands up for herself or himself then there will be conflict between them—and no one wants conflict!
If none of these apply to you and this question gives rise to feelings or emotions within your body such as guilt or shame, then perhaps what we should focus on instead is how often do I stand up for myself when someone tries to bully me?
If you think you have an addiction, remember that you can get help.
There are a lot of resources out there for people who want help with addiction. If you think you might have an addiction, remember that you can get help. The first step is admitting that there's a problem and being willing to ask for help. The second step is getting some professional input on how to stop your destructive behaviors and avoid relapse after treatment. Thirdly, stay sober by staying connected with friends who will support and encourage your recovery process—and fourthly, stay sober by never missing an appointment with your therapist or sponsor!
If someone has an addiction, that becomes the most important person in a relationship.
The addiction becomes the most important person in your relationship. You can't help your partner deal with their addiction until they want to deal with it themselves. And if your partner is unwilling or unable to get help, there's only so much you can do before the relationship becomes toxic.
Conclusion
Your relationship is important. The health of the people in it, and the happiness they can have together, is just as important as anything else in life. So please don't hesitate to seek help if you think your partner might be struggling with addiction or if you feel like you're having problems with substance use yourself. You're not alone, and there are plenty of resources out there that can help.
