What to do when you partner won't go to marriage counselling
Introduction
When you're in a marriage, there are times when you feel like your partner doesn't care enough about the relationship or so much that they don't even want to try and make it work. Marriage counselling is a great way to sort out these issues and improve communication between two partners but if one of you doesn't want to go then it's not going to work. Even so, there are steps you can take to encourage your spouse into going without forcing them into something they don't want:
Don't argue.
Don't argue. Arguing will only make your partner feel defensive and more likely to resist the idea of marriage counselling.
Don't try to convince them. Again, this will just put them on the defensive and could potentially hurt their feelings if they are not ready for marriage counselling.
Don't get angry. If you do this, then it's likely that they won't want anything more to do with you after talking about the subject matter at hand (marriage counselling).
Don’t threaten them with divorce or separation if they don’t agree with going through counselling together! This would be too much pressure on anyone and won’t help matters any in trying to get your partner into therapy sessions for couples!
Explain why you want to go.
If you're not in a position to force your partner to have marriage counselling, try to get them on board. Let them know that you want the best for the entire family and that therapy will help everyone. Explain how it can benefit your relationship, the children and other members of your family.
Explain what you hope to get out of it.
If you're still committed to the idea of marriage counselling, explain what you hope to get out of it. For example:
"I want a better understanding of the issues in our relationship." (If there are specific things that bother you, be sure to mention them.)
"I want us both to be able to talk about things without getting upset."
"I want us both to feel heard and understood by each other."
Explain why you think marriage counselling will help accomplish these goals. For instance:
"Because I think we have different expectations for our lives together and it would be good if we could figure out where those differences come from."
"Because I don't know how else we can communicate with each other without needing space or time apart."
"Because I think there's something wrong with how we communicate when one or both parties is angry at the other person, and I think getting more practice at communicating calmly will help us work through our arguments more effectively."
Explain what your partner will gain from going.
If your partner is still reluctant to attend marriage counselling, explain to them what they will gain from it. It's important to show them that this is a good decision for everyone involved, not just you. Your partner needs to understand that everyone in the family benefits when you make an effort at repairing your relationship. Here are some things you can say:
Marriage counselling will help us grow closer as partners and as a family unit. It will give us valuable tools on how we can work together better as a team, even when there are disagreements or misunderstandings between us.
Marriage counselling will help our children understand how important it is for parents who love each other very much want what's best for their children even if they don't always agree with one another's ideas or methods of parenting.
Marriage counselling gives families peace of mind knowing there are no secrets between parents regarding the well-being of their children - especially during difficult times like divorce proceedings where one parent may feel betrayed by another spouse's actions (or lack thereof).
Going through marriage counselling teaches couples how they can communicate more effectively so they can avoid arguments down the road instead of allowing those arguments turn into bigger issues like divorce which affects every single person in this world including themselves!
Work out how and when you'll discuss it.
Discuss it when you both feel calm
Discuss it at a time when you are both in a good mood and have time to talk.
Discuss it when you can both be fully present and focused on the conversation.
Don't discuss the issue while your partner is distracted by something else (like watching TV or playing with their phone).
Choose a time when your partner is most likely to engage in the conversation, such as after dinner or after the children have gone to bed, and limit the time talking about this topic.
Choose a time when your partner is most likely to engage in the conversation, such as after dinner or after the children have gone to bed, and limit the time talking about this topic.
Don't bring up marriage counselling when you are angry or tired. Your partner may feel like you are attacking them and get defensive, making it more difficult for both of you to communicate effectively.
Think about where you'll have the discussion.
Don't have the discussion in front of your children. This can be tricky if you share custody, but it's important to try to limit the amount of time your kids are exposed to this kind of conflict. Kids absorb everything and often don't understand what they are hearing; even if they do, you don't want them having to act as mediators or worry about all the tension between their parents (even if they're not aware yet that there's tension).
Don't do it when you are tired or stressed. You want to be at an optimal level when having this conversation so both parties can focus on what's being said rather than feeling defensive or attacked by anything said. Sitting down with a partner who is always late may not feel like a big deal until someone points out how much effort goes into planning around their tardiness for everyone else involved—and then suddenly, instead of being just another annoyance in life, it becomes something worth taking seriously!
Don't do it when you're angry at each other over another issue entirely (like money). If possible, take some time apart from each other after an argument before trying again later on that day/week/month... whatever works best for both parties involved in terms of emotions cooled off enough where things won’t get heated up again too quickly once talking about marriage counselling starts happening again."
Work out exactly what you want to say.
Be clear about what you want to say. Before you go into the meeting, write down two things: the specific thing that bothers or worries you most about your relationship, and how that particular problem affects your marriage.
Be prepared to answer questions. Your partner may ask for more detail or clarification on this topic—and that's okay! You can use the opportunity to explain exactly how their behavior makes you feel, so they have a better idea of what they're doing wrong (if anything).
Be ready to listen as well as speak. While it's important that your voice is heard in this conversation, it's equally important not only to listen but also accept any changes being suggested by your spouse. This could mean trying out new ways of communicating with each other or changing certain patterns within your marriage as a whole; however, if either party disagrees with these proposed changes there should be an open discussion about why rather than simply saying "no."
Accept that not all problems can be solved right away—or ever at all! Some couples simply aren't meant for marriage counselling simply because neither party sees any benefits from going through such an experience; while others might find themselves making progress but ultimately run into roadblocks further along their journey together (this is normal!). If after three sessions neither person feels like they've made any progress whatsoever then maybe consider ending therapy and try something else instead—like online courses which offer similar benefits without requiring face-to-face interactions every week!
Write down why you think marriage counselling might help your relationship problems.
Write down why you think marriage counselling might help your relationship problems.
Explain what you hope to get out of it.
Explain what your partner will gain from going.
Think about how and when you'll discuss it with them: when they're most likely to engage in the conversation, where the discussion might take place (at home or on a walk), and so on.
Write down why you think it's important that they go too.
You can also explain to your partner why you think it would be helpful for them to go. For example:
It will help us both understand each other better, so we can work on the issues that are causing problems in our relationship.
Going to counselling together is an important step towards building trust in our relationship, which is essential for any lasting commitment.
We will learn how to communicate more effectively with each other, and this will make things go more smoothly between us as we try to decide on things like parenting strategies and household chores.
Learn what the barriers to effective communication are and try to avoid them.
When you have a conflict with your partner, it can be helpful to understand the barriers to effective communication.
Avoid arguing: When you argue about something, you may raise your voice or use harsh language. This can make your partner feel attacked and defensive, which prevents them from listening to what you are saying. In addition, arguing often leads to blaming one another for the problem instead of finding solutions together.
Avoid distractions: Reducing distractions in the room will allow both of you to focus on what is being said and help prevent misunderstandings or arguments from occurring while talking through an issue together. If there are children running around in the background or if there are other people present who might overhear sensitive conversations between two partners (such as family members), move somewhere private so that there aren't any outside influences on how things are communicated between partners when discussing their issues with one another
You can't force your spouse to go to marriage counselling but there are ways you can encourage them to attend sessions with you
Though it might feel like you can't force your partner to attend counselling sessions with you, there are ways that you can encourage their attendance. If they're resistant, try talking to them about why they should go and why it's important for both of you to work through your problems together. If they’re already going but not being very open during the sessions, ask if there’s anything else that would help them be more comfortable. For example, some people find it easier to talk about their feelings when they have something concrete or tangible in front of them (like a piece of paper or a toy). Your therapist may also be able to provide ideas for how the two of you can facilitate discussions at home before or after session times so that things don't become too awkward between visits.
Ultimately though, no matter how much convincing is done by either party involved—it will only be effective when both parties are willing participants and committed towards change within themselves as well as within their relationship with one another."
Conclusion
If you're trying to convince your partner to go to marriage counselling, the first thing you need to do is understand their reasons for not wanting to go. They may be afraid of what they'll learn or they may think that counselling means they're not good enough or they might just think it's unnecessary and a waste of money.
Finally, maybe they are telling you how valuable the relationship is to them and maybe you should not stop ignoring that.
