Neurodiverse relationships: understanding and improving your neurodiverse relationship
Introduction
Neurodiverse relationships can be incredible, despite the unique challenges they may present. It's important to understand this idea of neurodiversity and how it affects relationships, so that you can improve yours. We'll cover what neurodiversity is, how it relates to relationships, and some tips for improving your relationship with a neurodivergent partner.
What is neurodiversity?
When many of us think of people with disabilities, we tend to think of those who have visible physical impairments such as blindness or paralysis. However, there are also those who have invisible disabilities such as mental illness or developmental disorders that limit their abilities to function effectively in society. These individuals are often marginalized and seen as less intelligent than others without disabilities—a concept called ableism.
However, neurodiversity is an emerging concept that challenges these assumptions about intelligence by recognizing that all brains are wired differently and that it’s okay for them to work in different ways from one another—and even from the norm! This is why society needs to embrace neurodiversity: because it means allowing each person the freedom to live their lives freely without stigma or discrimination based on how they were born.
Four neurodiverse relationship tips
Now that we've covered the basics of neurodiverse relationships, let's take a look at four tips to make your relationship healthier and happier.
Be curious. Neurodiverse relationships can be frustrating because they're so different from traditional relationships. The first thing you should do is ask questions about what your partner does and doesn't need from you, both in terms of their mental health and communication style. This will help you understand what makes them tick, which will make it easier for you to support them in times of need and when things get difficult (which they will).
Communicate clearly. When it comes to communicating with someone who has Asperger's or another condition on the autism spectrum, it's important that they are given enough time to process information before responding or acting upon it. If someone with Asperger's says something confusing or upsetting to you, wait until after they've had a moment or two before expressing how upset you are by their statement -- this ensures that any misunderstanding will be ironed out quickly rather than festering over time into something bitter between the two of you!
Be curious.
If you have a neurodiverse partner, it’s important that you be curious about their experience of the world. Rather than assuming your partner won’t like an activity because it might be too noisy or stressful for them, ask them first. If they say they’re not interested in something, don’t take it personally: just ask what would make them more comfortable doing whatever activity.
If you’re the neurodiverse person in this dynamic, it can also help to share what feels good and what doesn't - with consideration of how much detail is necessary given how much information your partner needs before making decisions on their own behalf. For example: “I really enjoy going out with friends but I don't want to stay late at bars because they're too loud and crowded." Or "I'm not comfortable with crowds at all so I'd prefer we go somewhere quieter if possible."
Communicate clearly.
Communicate clearly.
Be honest about your needs and expectations.
Be open to change. For example, if your partner with Asperger's wants to try a new activity or venue with you, but it makes you uncomfortable, talk it out together before agreeing or deciding against it;
Be willing to compromise. It is easy for both parties in a relationship to have their own ideas of what the relationship "should" be like; however, more often than not these are based on our individual experiences rather than what actually works best for both people involved in the relationship;
Be willing to learn from each other as individuals and as partners—and then implement those lessons into your work together as well as into any other relationships you have outside this one!
Understand your limitations, and your partner's.
It is important to be aware of your own limitations in a relationship, and to understand that you can't always do everything you want to do, or be everything you want to be. In the same way, it is equally important to understand that your partner has his or her own limitations as well.
This can be particularly difficult if one of you has an ASD because the skills most commonly associated with ASD can make it difficult for someone with an ASD to communicate effectively about their needs and wants. It's also common for some people with ASDs (especially those who are more high-functioning) not even realize they have needs or expectations that they aren't getting met in their relationships until they're told by others; this isn't something they'll necessarily think about on their own because they don't consider themselves deficient in any way!
Take time to recover -- together.
Recovering from stress and trauma is something that everyone needs to do. If you or your partner have experienced trauma, it can be hard to know how much recovery time you need and how to balance that against the needs of others. The first step is making sure your partner gets enough recovery time by doing some basic things like giving them space when they need it, being patient with them when they are having a hard time, and making sure they know they can talk about what’s going on with you anytime they want.
If things get really bad and one of you needs more help than just basic support during their recovery process (for example if there’s domestic violence involved), then taking steps toward getting professional help may be necessary. This could mean as simple as talking with a friend who has been through similar experiences or seeking out professional help at a local mental health clinic or hospital.
All relationships take work and communication, but they can be especially satisfying if you're willing to put in the work to make them successful.
All relationships take work and communication, but they can be especially satisfying if you're willing to put in the work to make them successful. Neurodiverse relationships are more challenging than most, but just like any other relationship, they can also be rewarding if you're willing to invest your time and energy into them. The more comfortable you are with your neurodiversity, the better equipped you'll be for handling challenges as they arise.
Relationships that involve two people with different kinds of brains or neurological differences—such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), epilepsy or multiple sclerosis (MS)—can be particularly rewarding because each person brings a unique perspective to the table that may not have been available before meeting their partner. They also provide opportunities for growth by challenging assumptions about how we think our world works together and understanding what it means when someone else is "different."
Conclusion
In a world that tends to judge people based on what they can do, it's important to remember the value of who someone is and how they live their life. Neurodiverse relationships don't have to be like other relationships, but if you're willing to put in the work, they can be successful ones.
