How to have a good marriage

Introduction

A good marriage is a choice. It's not something that just happens. A good marriage takes work, but there are things you can do to make it easier and more joyful.

Remember that marriage is a choice.

  • Remember that marriage is a choice.

  • Choose to be happy.

  • Choose to be kind.

  • Choose to be generous.

  • Choose forgiveness, even when it's hard.

  • Say "thank you" when your partner does something for you—even if it's the same thing they do every day! And don't forget that saying "I love you" is always worth repeating!

Create a life together.

One of the biggest ways you can keep your marriage strong is to create a life together with your partner. This means sharing experiences, interests, and passions as a couple. You should spend as much time as possible engaging in activities that only the two of you can do together. That could mean going on vacation or spending an evening at home reading books or playing games with each other.

You don't have to limit yourself to just what's listed above either! There are plenty more things that can be done by couples who want their marriages to thrive:

  • Go camping together

  • Take up yoga classes together

  • Take cooking lessons together (assuming neither person knows how to cook)

Find activities you both enjoy.

Find activities you both enjoy.

If you have a partner or spouse, it’s important to find activities that you can do together. You don’t need to share the same hobbies; there are plenty of options out there that will appeal to different types of people. For example, if one person loves sports and another doesn’t care much about them, they could still find something else they can enjoy together such as going to concerts or volunteering at a local soup kitchen.

Don't assume your partner is the enemy.

It is easy to get into a fight and start blaming each other, but you must remember that you are on the same team. Don’t assume your partner is the enemy.

When you do this, it will make both of your lives a lot happier! When something goes wrong or does not go as planned, know that it could be just as much your fault than theirs.

Don't roll your eyes.

  • Don't roll your eyes.

  • Don't be sarcastic.

  • Don't be passive aggressive.

  • Don't be condescending.

  • Don't be rude.

  • Don't be dismissive of your partner's feelings, thoughts and opinions by acting as if they're stupid or silly in any way (even if you secretly think so). This is the opposite of respect; it's disrespecting the person you love by making them feel like their opinions don’t matter to you because they're not important enough to take seriously. You might think that this doesn’t apply to something trivial like whether or not to go out for dinner, but remember: everything is personal when it comes to relationships! Also beware of using sarcasm as a defense mechanism when someone criticizes something about yourself—if someone says something judgmental about one aspect of your personality (your clothes/looks/body language), it reflects poorly on them too! While we all have flaws that need work improving upon sometimes, no one deserves being made fun of because they're different than us...or worse yet...what if it was one of our children being teased? Would we want our kids treated as badly as some adults treat each other?

Remember that your partner is not a mind reader.

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is assuming that their partner knows what they are thinking or feeling. This can lead to misunderstandings, arguments, and even physical violence. If you want to avoid these problems in your marriage, it's important that you are open and honest with your partner about how things feel on any given day.

It's also important for couples not to assume that their partner knows what they're going through because of something he or she said (or didn't say). For example: You may have been feeling sad recently because of some personal issues but then your spouse says something like "Are you okay?" You should respond by saying “I'm fine, thanks!” rather than assuming he/she knows exactly how much stress has been affecting his/her life!

Don't assume you are right and your partner is wrong, even if you are right and your partner is wrong.

It is essential to remember that even if you are right and your partner is wrong, he or she isn't wrong for the sake of being wrong. It's not an end game, but a means to an end: resolution. Even if you have every reason in the world to be right, there may be things you don't know about your partner that they do. If there are ways in which they are right and you are wrong, it can be difficult to accept at first because we all like to think of ourselves as perfect human beings who have everything figured out. But this attitude prevents us from learning new things and growing as people—and it also prevents us from having good relationships with others.

Tell the truth, but don't be cruel.

  • Don't be mean.

  • Don't use sarcasm or put downs.

  • Don't insult your partner.

  • Don't be overly critical.

  • Don't use passive aggressive behavior, such as not cleaning up after yourself because you're angry about something and hoping your partner will notice and get mad at you for it (because this never works).

  • Instead, talk through your issues calmly with each other until they’re resolved in a mature manner that leaves both parties feeling respected and supported by their spouse. You can do this even if one or both of you are having a bad day! Why? Because marriage is hard work and sometimes life gets in the way of our best intentions when we want to communicate effectively with our partners; however, it is worth working on because without good communication there won’t be much left between two people who once loved each other unconditionally but now struggle with just getting along day after day after day ... week after week ... month after month... year after year... decade after decade...until death do us part*.

Forgive over and over again.

Forgive your partner over and over again.

It's not easy to forgive someone who has hurt you, or who is wrong or unkind. But forgiveness is a necessary part of a good marriage because it keeps stress from building up between partners, which can lead to fights, distance between them and even divorce. If you don't figure out how to forgive your spouse for the things he or she does that upset you (and there will be many), then resentment will build up inside of you until it becomes unbearable—and then suddenly one day the two of you are at odds over something really small!

Say thank you. Lots of times.

  • Thank your partner for the food.

  • Thank your partner for the help.

  • Thank your partner for the time.

  • Thank your partner for the effort.

  • Tell them how much you appreciate their love and support, patience, understanding and listening skills (and if not all of these apply, find another way to say "thank you").

Be generous with kindnesses, large and small.

  • Be generous with your time.

  • Be generous with your money.

  • Be generous with your love.

  • Be generous with forgiveness and kindnesses, large and small—but most importantly, be kind to yourself!

A good marriage takes work, but there are things you can do to make it easier and more joyful, like remembering that marriage is a choice and creating a life together with your spouse.

It's easy to forget that marriage is a choice, not just a commitment. If you continue to view your relationship as something that just happens without any effort on your part or communication between you and your spouse, then it will be difficult for you to have the kind of marriage that is good and satisfying.

There are lots of things you can do to make sure that your marriage is as good as possible. However, one thing that you should never skip over is choosing to be with each other every day - even if it doesn't feel like fun at the time! It may seem like work sometimes (or all the time), but remember: A happy relationship isn't necessarily easy; it requires hard work from both partners.

One way we've found success in our own marriage has been through creating opportunities for us both outside our home together - whether this means going on dates or traveling together (or even just talking). These activities allow us both space away from our everyday responsibilities so we can focus on each other again after being apart all day long at work/school etcetera."

Conclusion

Marriage is a choice, and it can be a wonderful one. The key is choosing to stay in the relationship even when things get tough. You'll find that your commitment will pay off in many ways over time: your children will have two parents who love each other and care for them; you'll have someone to share good times with as well as bad ones; and most importantly, you'll both know that no matter what happens tomorrow or next year or ten years from now, there will always be something worth holding onto.

Nicholas Purcell

Nicholas Purcell is a couples counsellor and psychotherapist based in Adelaide, Australia. He works with couples seeking healthy, adult relationship.

http://www.nicholaspurcell.com.au
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Volatile couples: how to improve your relationship