Signs of an unhealthy relationship
Introduction
Toxic relationships can be hard to recognize, especially when you're in the thick of it. Your partner isn't necessarily going to tell you they're treating you poorly or that they want to hurt you. Instead, they may be subtle about the way they treat their partner—or even downright manipulative. But if something doesn't feel right in your relationship and you start noticing these signs of an unhealthy relationship, it might be time to rethink things:
They keep tabs on you.
They check your phone.
They check your emails.
They ask you to do things for them, whether it's picking up their dry cleaning or cooking a meal for them.
If you say no, they get angry and remind you that they're the boss—or just tell you not to do it.
If you say yes, they will never thank or acknowledge your effort in any way whatsoever, even when it's obvious that the thing was difficult for them (for example: "Thanks so much! I didn't know how else to get butter on my toast!").
Your partner wants to isolate you.
You're a grown person and you have your own life, but your partner doesn't seem to think so. They might try to isolate you from family and friends, or even keep you from going out on your own. This is a red flag for an unhealthy relationship because it means that your partner doesn't trust you or respect you enough to allow you space to live a fulfilling life outside of them.
Your partner controls your money.
You should be the one in control of your finances. If your partner is controlling how you spend money and who you give it to, that's a big red flag. It's unlikely this is due to them being a control freak—more likely, it's because they're worried about their own financial situation and don't want you to have any more responsibilities than necessary.
If you feel like your partner isn't respecting your ability to make good decisions about money, check out this list of signs that someone might be financially abusive:
They won't let their significant other work or go out without them
They monitor their significant other's spending habits closely (going through receipts)
They demand access to accounts and passwords for phone numbers/email accounts/social media pages
Your partner is jealous.
A partner who is jealous of your friends and family, and doesn't trust you to be alone with them is not the healthy kind of jealousy. Healthy jealousy is normal in a somewhat new relationship. It's part of the process of getting to know each other and figuring out what boundaries you need around yourself.
But if your partner seems jealous all the time, even after months or years together, this may be a sign that they don't trust themselves or their relationship enough to let things go smoothly when you're apart. They might also not trust how much time and energy it takes for people in relationships to spend quality time with others without cheating on their partners—and so they try to keep their partners close so that nothing can happen without them noticing (again).
Your partner puts their needs first.
If your partner puts their needs first, you may be in an unhealthy relationship. This means that they are self-centered and don't care about your feelings or needs. If a person doesn't think about how they affect others, it's a sign of selfishness, which means that they only care about themselves.
Your partner should be considerate of your feelings, wants, and desires as well as theirs own. They should listen to what you have to say and respect what you want out of the relationship.
If they are not considerate of your needs or thoughts but only care about themselves, then this is an unhealthy relationship worth leaving!
They have a history of violence.
In an abusive relationship, your partner may:
Be violent towards you or other people. This includes pushing, shoving, kicking and hitting with objects.
Threaten to hurt you or others if you leave the relationship. An abuser may threaten to hurt themselves to gain sympathy from you or others.
Keep track of where you are at all times, tracking your location with a GPS tracker on their phone for example. They may also check up on you by looking in through windows or following you around town without letting on that they are doing so (this is called ‘stalking’).
If these signs sound familiar, it’s important that you seek help straight away! If possible give some thought as to whether there are any ways in which things could be improved between the two of you – this would mean spending time together having fun rather than arguing all the time for example (something most couples can find difficult even after years together!). If this doesn't work then please contact someone else who will know what steps need taking next such as your friends/family members/local authorities etcetera so they can help secure safety measures as soon as possible!
They are extremely critical of you and your flaws.
When it comes to relationships, criticism is not a healthy part of a relationship. It can be one of the first signs that your partner is jealous of you or worried about losing you. The problem with criticism is that it's often disguised as advice and concern. If this sounds like your partner, don't be fooled! Criticism comes in many forms:
"I just want you to be happy."
"You should do what makes YOU happy."
"If I were making the decision for myself, I'd make it different."
"You should go for what makes YOU happy."
You feel like they are dragging you down with them into a pit of despair.
A relationship should be a positive experience for both people. If you feel like your partner is pulling you down, it may be time to reevaluate the status of your relationship.
If they're not going to change and they're dragging you down with them into a pit of despair, it's time to cut them off before they drag you all the way into hell.
Recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship is the first step toward changing it.
Recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship is the first step toward changing it. If you experience any of these symptoms, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and make changes.
If you find yourself in a pattern of constantly criticizing or complaining about your partner, that's a red flag.
If only one person in the relationship seems to care about keeping things healthy and positive between you two, that's also not good news for your love life.
No matter how much we love someone or what kind of history we have together or how many great qualities they share with us—if we're unhappy most of the time because our partner can't (or won't) change specific behaviors that cause problems in our lives together, then there might be some tough decisions ahead for both parties involved.
Conclusion
If you feel like your relationship is unhealthy, it probably is. If you think that’s an exaggeration, take a look at the signs we listed above. Each one of them can indicate an unhealthy or abusive relationship. The best thing to do if you find yourself in this situation? Talk about it with someone who will listen and offer advice on how to get out safely. The end of a relationship is often the most dangerous time so consider talking to a therapist or domestic violence hotline for some advice.
