Should I stay in my marriage for the kids?

Introduction

If you're unhappy in your marriage, it can be tempting to stay. After all, keeping your family together is important—and it's what's best for the kids, right? Not necessarily. Numerous studies have shown that children who grow up in a home with parents who are always at each others' throats do worse than children from single-parent homes or from homes in which there is one parent who has left and the other who is happily single. If you stay, you're adding to the pattern of unhappiness that is probably impacting your children's ability to be happy. The answer isn't for one or both of you to stay just for the kids. If you've made a good-faith effort to really fix your marriage and it still hasn't worked out well enough for both parties involved (and if neither one of them would ever want this kind of relationship), then leaving may actually be beneficial for everyone involved!

Numerous studies have shown that children who grow up in a home with parents who are always at each others' throats do worse than children from single-parent homes or from homes in which there is one parent who has left and the other who is happily single.

Numerous studies have shown that children who grow up in a home with parents who are always at each others' throats do worse than children from single-parent homes or from homes in which there is one parent who has left and the other who is happily single. The effects of divorce on children can be so negative that some researchers recommend against divorce except in the most extreme cases, such as abuse or violence.

A study by Sroufe and colleagues found that five-year-olds whose parents had divorced had more behavioral problems than those whose parents were married; this difference appeared to increase as the children got older, suggesting that alterations in family structure influence how well children adjust over time (Sroufe et al., 2005). Children's adjustment was not influenced by parental conflict during their early years but was negatively affected by parental discord after age 5, suggesting that ongoing marital tension may have a greater impact on child adjustment than initial conflict between partners (Sroufe et al., 2005).

If you stay, you're adding to the pattern of unhappiness that is probably impacting your children's ability to be happy.

If your marriage is unhappy, the chances are that your children will be unhappy as well. A study of over 300 adolescents found that those whose parents fought frequently were more likely to have lower self-esteem and less satisfaction with their relationships than adolescents from homes without conflict.

When it comes to divorce specifically, children actually do better when their parents separate amicably than when they stay together in an unhappy relationship. Youth who grow up in homes with two parents who don't get along may be worse off than youth who grow up in a single parent home or with one parent who lives alone but has separated from his or her spouse (even if there are no other adults living there).

When parents divorce, children may experience a range of emotions. They may feel angry and rejected by one or both parents, depressed because they have lost their family home, confused about why their family life has changed so much, or afraid that they will not be able to see as much of one parent as they used to.

The answer isn't for one or both of you to stay just for the kids.

The answer isn't for one or both of you to stay just for the kids.

Children are resilient, but they don't need to see you unhappy. They will benefit from seeing you happy and enjoying life. As a parent, your job is to teach your child how to handle life and all its challenges without being overwhelmed by them. This can be done by example. If one or both parents are not happy in their marriage, then there's a chance that the children will pick up on this and experience confusion as they grow older—especially if they see their parents fighting often (or ignoring each other).

Then again, if both parents love each other but feel like staying together just isn't right anymore because of serious issues in the relationship (e.g., abuse), then maybe it's better off ending things now rather than letting things get worse over time?

If you've made a good-faith effort to really fix your marriage and it still hasn't worked out, the best thing you can do for your children is to leave the marriage.

If you’ve made a good-faith effort to really fix your marriage and it still hasn’t worked out, the best thing you can do for your children is to leave the marriage.

I know it may seem counterintuitive, but I'm going to ask you to be honest with yourself. Your kids will have enough hard times in their lives without having to deal with knowing that their parent isn't happy anymore. The fact that you're reading this article means something about your relationship; there's no sense pretending otherwise or waiting until things get better on their own.

You can tell yourself any number of things: “We just need more time together as a family” or “We should spend even more time together so we can work through our problems." But if those things aren't happening, they probably won't happen anytime soon—and if they don't happen now, they most likely won't happen at all.

At the end of the day, if you're unhappy with your spouse and marriage, it's not healthy to stay married.

At the end of the day, if you’re unhappy with your spouse and marriage, it’s not healthy to stay married.

Your children need to see that their parents are happy together. They will learn from how you interact with each other and do not want to live in an environment where there is constant fighting or hurt feelings between their parents.

If one person isn't happy in a relationship, then it will affect both parties negatively. This could lead to depression or even physical illness for one or both partners.

Unhappy marriages usually result in unhappy children.

>It's important to remember that kids are more likely to thrive when they grow up in an environment where the adults around them are happy.

>A study by researchers at the University of Washington found that children who live with parents who constantly fight and argue do worse in school than kids from single-parent homes, or from homes where one parent has left and the other remains happily single.

When there is conflict in the home, children are more likely to have behavioral problems at school. They are also more likely to experience depression and anxiety later on in life.

Conclusion

When you're in an unhappy marriage, it's tempting to stay just for the kids. But staying in an unhappy marriage is not good for anyone involved — not for you, not for your spouse, and definitely not for your children. If there's no hope of fixing things between you and your spouse and things are only going downhill with time, then it's best to leave before your kids get too old to remember what life was like when they were happy.