How to heal codependency while in a relationship

Introduction

Codependency is defined as a psychological, emotional and behavioral condition in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected by drug addiction or alcoholism. Codependents are often found in relationships where one partner has an addiction problem; however, codependency does not only affect individuals who are in love with people with substance abuse issues. Codependence can also be associated with caretakers of those suffering from chronic illness and other conditions where there's a lack of self-care. The main signs of codependency include:

1. Recognize your needs

When you are in a codependent relationship, it can be very difficult to acknowledge and express your needs. You may think that your partner is the only one who matters and that you don't need anything. Or perhaps you believe that asking for something would mean letting go of the control you have over their life, so you don't speak up about what would make you happy.

If this sounds like a problem for you, take some time to reflect on what it means to have needs and what they look like in real life. Do they come from a place of wanting more attention or respect? Are they specific requests that could improve communication between partners? Are there things other than romantic relationships where this comes up? And how does not having these needs met affect your self-esteem?

Once we start recognizing our own needs as valid and important parts of ourselves, learning how to communicate them becomes easier—but it's still hard! Codependents often feel selfish when asking for something or putting themselves first; even though we recognize that everyone has similar desires, we still want others' happiness above all else. But being able to ask for our own requires us not only recognizing but also accepting ourselves as whole people with autonomy over our own lives; if this isn't possible yet (and if so much time has been spent denying these feelings), then working toward feeling comfortable taking care of yourself instead will take patience and practice."

2. Own your emotions and behaviors

In order to heal codependency, you must become aware of your emotions and behaviors. This is one of the most important steps in recovery because it allows you to identify where you are unhealthy and begin to make improvements. It's not enough to just know what codependent behaviors look like; you need to understand why they exist in the first place—and how they impact your life.

To start this process, ask yourself: "What am I feeling?" If there's an emotion that stands out as uncomfortable or harmful, write it down on a piece of paper or in a journal (or use software like Evernote). Then ask yourself: "Why do I think I'm reacting this way?" Try not to judge yourself for having these feelings—just recognize them as part of being human—and look for patterns across different situations if possible. Are there certain people who trigger similar responses? Do certain types of situations tend to elicit certain feelings? What circumstances lead directly up with these emotions surfacing?

3. Set healthy boundaries

• Remember that you are the only person who can define your boundaries. You get to choose what’s okay and what's not for you in this world, so don't let others make decisions about what you will or won't accept.

• Set boundaries for yourself. Know your limits and stick with them, regardless of how other people react or feel about them. For example: If someone asks for a favor that involves too much time away from your own needs, say “no” even if they're upset by it—you don't owe anyone anything beyond what makes sense for you at any given moment.

• Set boundaries in relationship to others' expectations of us (including our own). What we believe we should do sometimes has nothing to do with what we actually want—and that sets us up for disappointment down the road when reality clashes with our expectations because it will never measure up exactly as we'd hoped or planned (and neither will anyone else). So take control of those expectations by setting healthy boundaries around them! This might mean saying "no" instead of agreeing automatically just because everyone expects us to be available whenever possible; it could also mean clarifying where these expectations come from so we can take steps towards meeting those needs independently instead..

4. Assert yourself

Assertiveness is one of the most important skills for overcoming codependency. If you've been a people-pleaser all your life, it can be difficult to assert yourself, but if you don't learn how to do this, your relationship will suffer in many ways.

When someone asks you for something and it's within reason (for example: "Can you take out the trash?"), say yes or no without feeling guilty about saying no; don't worry about hurting their feelings. Asserting yourself does not mean being mean or rude; it means that when someone asks for something reasonable, we should be able to give them an answer right away instead of blowing them off with a vague excuse ("Uh…I'll see what I can do").

If they ask again after getting a vague response from us and we still don't want to do what they're asking us to do (even though they shouldn't have put pressure on us in the first place), then we need to be direct and assert ourselves by saying something like "I'm sorry but there's no way I can help today."

5. Express yourself

Expressing your feelings is another way to connect with others and build a healthy relationship. When you have been used to bottling up emotions, it may feel difficult or unnatural at first. As you learn how to express yourself in a way that feels authentic for who you are, it will become easier.

• Get creative! Try writing letters or poems and sending them by postcard or email. Or create artwork based on what's going on in your life right now (or just draw what's inside of you).

• Make art the new paintbrush—it can help heal old wounds! If there's something bothering you, try singing about it instead of keeping quiet about it like usual (and then maybe record yourself so everyone else can stop listening).

• Share your creations whether they're online or not—the most important thing is sharing them with people who will appreciate them as much as they deserve!

6. Take care of yourself first

If you are in a relationship with someone who has codependency issues, it’s important to take care of yourself first and foremost. You can love someone with a mental illness but if their illness is negatively affecting your life, then it’s time to think about your own happiness instead. If they are not willing or able to get help for themselves, then there is nothing else that can be done.

Here are some ways in which you can start taking care of yourself:

• Make sure that you get enough sleep every night so that your body and mind have the rest they need for optimal performance during the day. As humans, we all have our limits when it comes to how much pressure we can handle before breaking down under strain from work stressors or personal problems at home such as conflict with loved ones over money management issues within the household budgeting policy (i.e., one spouse thinks spending money on expensive vacations abroad would make life great again while another thinks this type of vacation is too extravagant). Just because these types of disagreements arise doesn't mean either party has done anything wrong--they're just different people with different lifestyles preferences! So try not taking anything personally because sometimes there's no right answer when deliberating issues like these."

7. Seek support

Seeking support from a professional is one of the most effective ways to heal codependency. You may want to seek out a therapist or counselor who specializes in codependency, such as an addiction counselor. Or you can search for a licensed mental health professional who has experience treating codependency and other mental health issues.

If you aren't interested in seeing a professional, there are still many ways that you can get the support that you need. Seeking support from other people who understand codependency will help keep your mind clear and focused on your healing process as well as give you someone with whom to talk about what's going on in your life right now (or even just vent). If there are other people at work or school that have similar problems, they might be willing to become friends with them so they can provide more emotional support than just talking about the problem itself - this way no matter what happens during their day (good or bad), they'll have someone else who understands!

You can work on healing codependency while you are in a relationship

You can work on healing codependency while you are in a relationship, especially if the relationship is long-term. The key to healing is learning how to set and respect boundaries and express your feelings assertively. You can also learn how to ask for help when you need it or want it.

If you are seeing a therapist and/or working on yourself alone, then the first step is recognizing that codependency has been part of your life since childhood. If this sounds like what you have been experiencing, then take some time to reflect on whether or not codependency may have shaped who you have become as an adult (or child). Codependent people often feel guilty about asking for things because they were taught as children that others should know what they need without being told explicitly. It can be difficult for them even now as adults because their expectations for themselves and others are unrealistic based on their past experiences with caregivers who neglected them or were abusive toward them physically or emotionally

Conclusion

If you’re looking to heal codependency, we hope this article has been helpful. Remember that healing takes time, and it’s not something that can be done overnight. If you find yourself struggling with codependency, reach out for support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in codependency recovery.