How to safely leave an abusive relationship
Introduction
If you're in an abusive relationship and thinking about leaving, it can be a dangerous situation. It's important to know that there are ways to do it safely. If you need help getting out of an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1800 737 732 or chat online with one of their specialists 24/7.
Decide that it's time to leave.
There is no one way to leave an abusive relationship. You should never feel that you have to stick around for the sake of your kids, or because you don’t have anywhere else to go. Some people leave at a moment's notice and never look back; some take weeks, months or even years before they can find the strength to walk away from their abuser.
It's important to remember that whatever decision you make will be the right one for your situation. You are not alone in this journey—1 in every 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime, according to RAINN (the Rape Abuse & Incest National Network). You're not crazy for thinking about leaving; it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with your relationship if you think about it often; it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with your partner if he becomes abusive when arguing with someone close to him over texts on his phone - those things just aren't related!
Create a safety plan.
Once you’ve decided to leave, it’s time to create a safety plan. A safety plan is a written guide of all the things you need to do in order to stay safe after leaving your abusive partner. It includes specific steps like calling 000 or reaching out to friends and family members for help, as well as more general strategies like notifying your employer that your abuser may be looking for you at work or school. You can also use online resources.
To get started, think about what will happen when/if an abuser finds you and tries to hurt you again. Then ask yourself:
What are my options? (e.g., do I have access to money? Can I call someone for help without being overheard?)
How likely is it that my abuser will find me again? (The more likely this scenario is, the more important it might be for me to take other precautions.)
Connect with resources.
If you're in an abusive relationship, it's important to be prepared. If someone asks you if your partner is abusive, you should be able to answer them honestly and without hesitation. You also need to be ready and willing to help the person find resources in their area that can help them leave the relationship safely. This can include helping them find a safe place to stay and setting up a meeting with a counselor who has experience working with abuse victims or survivors (or both).
If they decide they want help leaving their abuser, make sure they feel safe enough before moving forward with any plans. If they do decide on leaving, provide emotional support as much as possible: don't say things like "You're probably overreacting," or "I'm sure he didn't mean it." Doing so could cause the survivor's health and well-being to deteriorate even further than before talking about leaving their abuser
Do you need more time?
You may need more time to prepare for your safety and well-being. You might also want to think about how you will be able to support yourself financially and emotionally while waiting for the right time. If you are considering leaving an abusive relationship, it is important that you plan accordingly.
You may want to:
Gather resources such as a list of friends who can help with childcare or transportation if needed;
Get medical attention for any injuries incurred during abuse;
Plan on having food ready at all times so that if he does not come home at night, there will be something in the refrigerator/freezer;
Leave with a safe exit plan.
A safe exit plan is important because an abuser can become violent when they feel trapped or threatened. It's crucial to be prepared for what happens if you have to leave in a hurry.
The first thing to do is create a "safe box." This is where you will keep copies of important documents and items that can help you leave, such as:
A copy of your lease/rental agreement
Documents showing proof of identification (like birth certificates, Social Security cards, driver's licenses)
Receipts from purchases made with cash (to show proof that it belongs to you)
Your bank account information and passwords for online accounts like Facebook Messenger or email accounts
Know your resources.
As you're leaving an abusive relationship, it's important to know your resources. You may be able to get help from a family member or friend who is supportive of what you're doing. If not, there are other options available:
Your local domestic violence shelter can provide shelter and support services until you are able to get back on your feet financially and emotionally.
A health care provider such as a doctor or mental health professional might be able to help with prescription medication (e.g., antidepressants). They may also be able to refer you toward additional treatment options if needed—for example, counseling sessions with someone who specializes in working with children who have suffered abuse at home (your local hospital/medical office directory should list these providers).
Leaving an abusive relationship is dangerous, but there are ways to do it safely.
You can leave an abusive relationship safely. There are resources available to help you, both from the government and from groups like the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1800 737 732. It's always safest to get help from others, but you do not have to be alone in order to leave your abuser.
If you're planning on leaving an abusive relationship, make sure that you plan carefully for it and consider your safety throughout this process.
Conclusion
The fact is, leaving an abusive relationship is dangerous. There are no easy or fast ways to do it—but there are ways that are safer than others. The most important thing you can do to protect yourself from harm is create a safety plan and connect with resources that can help you get out safely. If you’re not ready yet, don't be afraid to ask for more time before making your decision. Remember: you deserve better than abuse!
