How to rebuild trust in a relationship
Introduction
Trust is a fragile thing. When it's broken, it can be very difficult to rebuild – and even harder to forgive the person who broke your trust. But that doesn't mean you should give up on your relationship if you want to repair your trust. It just means that you have some work to do! In this article, we'll show you how to rebuild trust in a relationship by examining what happened, your own behavior and motivations, and how both of these things affect the ability for trust to grow again.
Deeply examine why they cheated.
Why did they cheat? Ask yourself if you are the cause of the cheating. It's important to understand that there may be some underlying issues that made them vulnerable to being unfaithful, and it could be something as simple as feeling neglected or misunderstood.
What did they learn from their infidelity? They learned a lot about themselves and about trust in relationships. They may have needed space to figure out who they are now that they've had time apart from their partner, so ask them what they need so that this doesn't happen again in the future.
What do they need to do moving forward? You can help rebuild trust by communicating openly with each other, building upon your strengths together (like communication), while also learning how to deal with any weaknesses (like jealousy).
Face the reality of your trust issues.
It’s important to recognize your own role in the breakdown of trust in your relationship. You can’t fix something you don’t understand, and you can’t build trust with someone when you aren’t fully transparent about what happened.
Start by being honest with yourself about why you distrust others or how you act toward them. What are the signs that make up your distrust? Are they valid? If so, why do you feel this way? How does it affect other people around you when they see how suspicious or untrusting of them you are? Also ask yourself if there were any red flags during past relationships that led to mistrust today (e.g., did someone lie about something significant at one point). The more aware of these patterns and behaviors, the easier it will be for both parties to identify and address them moving forward.
Determine if you're the root cause of their cheating.
If your partner cheated, the worst thing you can do is make assumptions or jump to conclusions. You have to focus on the facts. Ask yourself: What can I know for sure? What happened? Who was involved? What do I need to do next?
It's also important not to blame yourself or them—even if it feels like they're at fault, there's no way of knowing who is actually responsible until a full investigation has taken place. Don't let your emotions get in the way; try not to be angry or defensive during this process because those emotions are likely clouding your judgment and making it harder for both you and them to get back on track together again.
Put yourself in their shoes.
The first step to building trust is to try and put yourself in your partner's shoes. Think about how it would feel if you were the one being accused of not loving or caring for your partner. How would it feel if someone constantly doubted the things you said and did, or accused you of cheating when there was no reason to? It might be hard at first, but try to imagine what it would feel like—and then imagine that this was happening every single day! That will give you a good idea of what they're going through as well as showing that their suspicions are probably justified, since they're so persistent.
Focus on the facts when you feel insecure.
You are not a mind reader. If you think that your partner is hiding something from you, remember that this is just a feeling, and it's okay to have feelings. But don't act on them by accusing or criticizing them in an attempt to get the answer out of them—that will only make things worse.
Focus on the facts: What do you know for sure? How do these facts add up? Ask questions until you understand exactly what happened. And then ask more questions until no more answers are forthcoming. For example: "The last time we went out together was two weeks ago." "I'm going to bed now." "What were we doing two weeks ago when I said goodnight?"
This doesn't mean assuming anything or jumping to conclusions; it just means being open-minded enough to entertain all possibilities (even if they're uncomfortable). And if there's not enough evidence yet for certain conclusions about what happened between now and then, hold off on making any judgments until there is—this way neither one of us gets upset unnecessarily!
Remember that you can't control other people's actions.
You can’t control other people’s actions. You can only control how you react to them.
It's easy to get caught up in the idea that you have some sort of control over what your partner does and how they behave, but it's important to remember that this isn't true. Your partner is an individual with their own thoughts, emotions and desires; they may not always be in line with yours or even want what you want out of life. That doesn't mean their actions are right or wrong—it just means they aren't the same as yours!
Letting go of this idea that your partner should act in a specific way will help you feel more relaxed about the relationship overall and less likely to become upset when things don't happen exactly according to plan (which never happens anyway).
Recognize that trust is earned – not given in advance.
If you are trying to rebuild trust in your relationship, the first step is learning to recognize that trust is earned – not given in advance. The truth of the matter is that we cannot trust someone who has betrayed our trust in the past. We must earn each other’s respect and make it clear that we will not put up with any more lies or betrayals.
This can be difficult for some people because they have an idealized view of their partner’s character and do not want to believe them capable of hurting them so deeply again, but this kind of thinking only creates more problems down the road because it creates unrealistic expectations about how trustworthy their partner should be.
Trust needs to be earned back slowly over time with small acts of kindness and consideration for one another’s feelings before any real sense of closeness can emerge between two people again – especially if one person has hurt another very badly!
Stop snooping.
Stop snooping.
Don't check their phone, read texts or ask them questions about their friends or family.
Don't follow them around, either physically or digitally. Resist the temptation to install spyware on their phone and don't Google search your partner's name multiple times per day (or at all). Avoid cyberstalking in any way possible; if you feel like you might be doing something borderline stalkerish with respect to your partner’s online activity, stop immediately and seek help from a trusted friend, counselor or therapist.
Ask for time and space together without your children or friends.
You and your partner need to be alone together. No children, no friends, no family, no work—just the two of you. You can do this by going away for a weekend or taking a few hours every day to go out for coffee or lunch together. This will help rebuild trust in your relationship because it gives you time to talk about each other’s day and share things that are happening in your life without any distractions.
A lot of people think they don’t have money for a trip away from their kids/work/etc., but there are plenty of ways to save money so that this kind of thing doesn't put too much strain on the budget:
Pack food instead of eating out all the time (this is also healthier)
Plan ahead so that activities like movies nights don't cost extra when everyone goes out for dinner after
Look into cheaper options like staying at an Airbnb instead of at a hotel
It's possible to restore trust, but it will take work and patience
It can be done.
Trust isn't a switch that can be turned on and off like a lightbulb—it's built over time, and it takes effort to rebuild it.
While the person who cheated may need to take responsibility for their actions, so does the person who was cheated on.
It's important to remember that trust is not just about you; it's about both of you working together as a couple to build mutual respect and understanding between each other
Conclusion
It's not easy to rebuild trust after infidelity. But if you're committed to making your relationship strong again, it can be done. Remember that trust is both earned and given in advance. If your partner cheated on you, they should have been working hard at earning your trust before they took their actions. That being said, the best way for them to earn back your trust is by proving themselves through actions instead of words alone.
