How to change an anxious attachment style
Introduction
Attachment theory is one of the most important developments in modern psychology. It's a theory of how we form relationships with others and how those relationships shape who we are as individuals. Attachment styles are individual ways of interacting with others that are formed early in life. They're based on how our caregivers responded to us when we were children, and there's no way to change them completely—but there are things you can do to improve your relationship skills as an anxious type.
Be present with the person you care about.
It's easy to get distracted when we're with someone we care about. We might start thinking about the past, worrying about the future, or wondering what they are thinking about us. Being present with another person isn't easy: it takes a lot of focus and effort to stay in the moment. Here are some tips on how to be more present with your loved ones:
Focus on them—not yourself or your thoughts
Don't let your mind wander
Don't get distracted by their past or future (and don't worry about either!)
Don't worry about what they think of you or what you have to do next
Try to be as supportive as possible.
Be there for them.
Listen to what they are saying, even if it's not what you want to hear.
Don't try to fix them or tell them what should be done in the future.
Talk about your feelings, not theirs.
Talk about your feelings, and not theirs.
Don't blame them for your feelings.
Don't try to fix their problems or ask them to change in any way.
If you want to talk about something they did, do so in a way that keeps the focus on how it made you feel instead of trying to get them to apologize or make an excuse for themselves.
Don't expect your partner to read your mind.
In order to change your attachment style and be more secure, you need to communicate. This means asking for what you need and letting go of the expectation that your partner will know what you want without having to ask.
Remember, they are not a mind reader (and neither are you). If something is bothering you or if there's something important that needs addressing in the relationship, don't hold back. It's okay to be vulnerable and share how you feel with your partner—there is no such thing as a perfect relationship after all!
Cultivate a good relationship with yourself.
When you're anxious, it can be hard to feel like you are worthy of love. You may feel like you don't deserve happiness or a good relationship, so you find yourself continuously settling for less than what you want. Learning how to change an anxious attachment style involves taking time to be alone and reflect on your needs. Then, allow yourself that time without guilt or shame.
Take some time each day to meditate and practice mindfulness (the ability to stay in the moment). Try not judging yourself too harshly when making mistakes, because being more accepting of yourself will help you build self-esteem over time—and feeling worthy of love is a huge part of having a healthy relationship with someone else!
Your attachment style is based on what your caregivers modeled and how they responded to you.
The way you relate to others, especially your partner, is based on what your caregivers modeled and how they responded to you. In other words, their own attachment style can affect the way you form relationships later in life.
Anxious types can make a mindful effort to become more secure and give their partners more space by taking time for themselves without feeling guilty about leaving their loved ones behind. They should also try not to take things personally when someone else has a different opinion than theirs; this will allow them to step back from situations before reacting impulsively.
it can be helpful to work with a therapist who knows about attachment theory
If you’re interested in exploring your attachment style and how it affects your relationships, it can be helpful to work with a therapist who knows about Attachment Theory. If a therapist is not familiar with this theory, they may not be able to help you identify and change an anxious attachment style.
Therapists are trained in many types of therapy approaches, but they don’t all have specialized training in personality disorders or relationship problems that arise from insecure attachment styles (I call these “attachment issues”). I find that therapists who have undergone additional training on these issues are more likely to help clients like me.
Anxious types can make a mindful effort to become more secure and give their partners more space.
If you're an anxious attachment style, mindfulness can be a useful tool for regulating emotions and thoughts. By practicing mindfulness, you can be more secure in your relationships by becoming aware of the thoughts that are causing you to react, rather than reacting on gut instinct. Mindfulness also helps with being less reactive by putting distance between ourselves and our experiences. This means that if someone says something that we find upsetting or offensive, we won't immediately jump down their throat with a snarky comeback; instead we'll consider our response carefully before speaking up. Finally, mindfulness lets us focus on the moment at hand: it allows us to fully engage in whatever activity or activity is currently happening so that we don't miss out on any potential joys from life!
Mindfulness can help regulate emotions and thoughts, which can help change behaviors
Mindfulness is about being aware of your thoughts and emotions. It can help you change behaviors by regulating emotions and being more present with yourself. Mindfulness can also help you be more compassionate toward yourself, which can help change your attachment style from anxious to secure.
Here are some tips for how to practice mindfulness:
Meditate every day for 10 minutes or more. Try guided meditations on YouTube or apps like Headspace (https://www.headspaceapp.com/).
Practice yoga regularly so that you learn how to tune into the body when sensations arise in it—whether it’s an itch or pain, those are all just sensations that come and go within the body (and mind). It will give you a chance to experience what happens when your mind wanders off during class—that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you! Instead, it means this is a normal part of life; we all have thoughts come in and out of our minds at every moment of each day as well as throughout our lives.* Don't judge yourself harshly if something comes up while practicing mindfulness exercises—for example, judging yourself because your mind wandered off while meditating instead of staying focused on one thing only (like breathing only). Instead try saying something like: Oh well! I'm human after all."
Other kinds of therapy can change maladaptive relationships patterns, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, EMDR and dialectical behavior therapy
Other kinds of therapy can also help you change maladaptive relationship patterns, including:
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which focuses on changing negative thought patterns. CBT is often used to treat anxiety and depression, as well as cluster B personality disorders. The goal of CBT is to help you understand the things that contribute to your thoughts and behaviors, so that you can make more rational decisions and develop healthier habits in dealing with your emotions. One example of this would be identifying particular situations or contexts where you feel anxious, then looking at what triggers these feelings for you in order to try alternative ways of reacting or behaving yourself when those situations come up again later on down the line; another example might be learning how not everyone around them feels exactly like their parents did back when they were growing up together as children themselves - so instead of always expecting friends or lovers alike will mean harm towards them just because those same people would've done so before now... maybe...
Talk to a therapist if you want to try to change your attachment style
If you're serious about changing your attachment style, it's incredibly helpful to see a therapist. A therapist can help you work on your attachment style by giving you feedback about the way you think about relationships and the way those thoughts impact how you behave in relationships. They can also help improve those relationships by teaching skills that will help both parties feel more secure in their relationship. There are plenty of resources online that are focused on helping people with anxious attachments learn how to be more secure in their close relationships. For example, this website has some useful tips for people who want to start feeling more secure but aren't sure where to start.
Conclusion
The good news is that people can change their attachment style by working with a therapist. It’s not easy and it takes time, but it can be done. If you want to try this approach, start by talking to a therapist who knows about attachment theory and has experience working with people who want to change their relationships patterns. Then, keep in mind that even if you don’t become more secure overnight (or ever), your efforts will still bring benefits like increased self-awareness and greater empathy for others.
