Feeling ambivalent about your relationship?
Introduction
If you're feeling ambivalent about your relationship, you may be experiencing something more serious than just a case of the dreaded "relationship blues." This list will help you determine if your feelings are normal or not.
You're not sure if you want to be.
It's possible that you're not sure if you want to be in a relationship at all, or if this one is really right for you.
If the thought of being single is more appealing than the idea of being in a relationship, it can feel like a catch-22: If you stay with this person and things don't work out, will it make being single even worse? But if you break up now and realize later that they were your soulmate...well...that doesn't feel great either!
You may also have other issues going on in your life that are making it hard to commit to anything—like school or work pressure, financial stressors and family responsibilities—and those need to be dealt with first before jumping into another committed relationship.
You have anxiety about the relationship.
Anxiety may be the result of an external or internal trigger. External factors that can cause anxiety include:
A bad mood
A bad day
A bad week
Internal factors that can cause anxiety include:
Being worried about something that hasn't happened yet (a test, a presentation)
You are unable to make decisions about the relationship.
You are unable to make decisions about the relationship.
You have a hard time making decisions in general.
Your partner is trying to control your decisions.
You feel like you are being controlled by your partner.
You feel like you are giving up your autonomy (or "being steamrolled").
You avoid difficult conversations and topics.
You might find yourself avoiding difficult conversations with your partner because you don't want to upset them. This can happen when you're in the early stages of a relationship, or if they are particularly sensitive. You might also avoid difficult topics because they're emotionally charged and uncomfortable. This could include anything from discussions about finances to sex, or even political views!
Finally, there are some situations where it feels like it would be easy for two people in a relationship to understand each other's point of view—but that isn't always true. Some topics require more time and attention than others, which means that sometimes it's better to wait until both individuals are ready before discussing them together (instead of trying too hard).
Even when you decide what to do, you change your mind at the last minute.
Even when you finally decide what to do, you change your mind at the last minute.
You're stuck in a quandary: You know what needs to happen in order for this relationship to work, but all you can think about is how much pain it will cause everyone involved and how terrible it would be if it ended -- even though all signs point to the fact that it should end.
You're afraid of hurting someone's feelings or making them angry by confronting them with their behavior and asking for changes.
You feel like a different person in your relationship than you are in other parts of your life.
You feel like a different person in your relationship than you are in other parts of your life.
You feel like you're being pulled in two directions: one part of you wants to be with the person, and another part doesn't.
You don't connect with them on the same level that they do with others. You feel like they need some kind of help or support, but they don't want it from you. You can see how much better off they would be if they were around someone else—someone who was able to give them what they need.
You often feel "off" or "uneasy" around your partner.
If you're feeling "off" or "uneasy" around your partner, that may be a sign that something is wrong. You might not know what it is, but you can feel it in your gut. The way to figure out what's causing this feeling is to ask yourself:
Why do I feel like this?
Is there anything going on in my life right now?
How does my partner react when I say or do things that don't make me happy?
When things go wrong, you find it hard to take responsibility.
When things go wrong, you find it hard to take responsibility for your actions. For example:
You might feel like you are being blamed for the problem.
You may be afraid of the consequences of taking responsibility (e.g., your partner will leave or become more serious about their own goals).
You might not want to admit that you were wrong because this could make them angry at you and lead to a break-up; instead, they'll just think that there was something wrong with them!
This is particularly common among people who have been in relationships for many years; after all those years together, they've gotten used to blaming each other when something goes wrong!
Your emotions are all over the place, which makes you feel like you're crazy.
If you feel like your emotions are all over the place, it can be hard to make sense of them. You might also feel like you're crazy because no one else seems to be feeling so many different ways at once. But this is completely normal! Emotions are not always logical and they don't always follow a straight line from point A to point B. Feelings can change quickly and often without much warning—and that's okay! If you find yourself feeling out of control for any reason, there are people who are here for you and want to help. Talking about how you're feeling is an important first step in managing those emotions.
The thought of breaking up creates a lot of anxiety.
You may feel ambivalent about your relationship because of a lot of anxiety. This can be caused by:
Worries that the other person won't cope with the breakup, or will be angry and upset.
Worries that you won't cope with the breakup, or will be angry and upset.
Fear of what might happen if things go wrong in the future (whether you stay together or break up).
You need to talk to a counselor or therapist about this, because there is something going on beyond normal ambivalence or an ordinary bad mood.
The first thing you should do is talk to a counselor or therapist about your ambivalence. There is something going on beyond normal ambivalence or an ordinary bad mood, and the counselor will help you figure out what it is.
The second thing that needs to happen is figuring out if the relationship is worth saving. If there isn't any chemistry between your two of you and one or both of them has been really mean lately (or even just recently), then maybe it's best for everyone if things end now rather than dragging on for another few weeks before anything changes again.
Conclusion
If you are finding yourself in this place, it is best to talk with a counselor or therapist. They can help you work through the issues that make it hard for you to decide what to do about the relationship, and they can also help you figure out if there are other issues going on in your life that need attention. If all else fails, consider breaking up with this person so that someone else might be able to love them more than I do.
