A Study in Grief: The Descendants by Alexander Payne

Introduction

Alexander Payne’s film The Descendants (2011), introduces us to Matt King, a man experiencing many forms of loss in quick succession. Matt is a dedicated attorney but self-described “backup parent” (Payne, 2011). We soon learn his relationship with his wife Liz is even more strained. When Liz is seriously injured in a power boating accident, the doctors soon advise the coma is irreversible and due to her Advanced Care Directive, they must switch off life support systems. With these removed she will die sometime soon. Matt is now centre of his family and solely responsible for two grieving young girls.

Matt’s losses change and are added to as the movie progresses. He not only loses his spouse Elizabeth, but the relationship he thought he had, his identity as a husband, and his hopes for a better future with his wife. This essay will explore these different types of losses as well as how Matt experiences and processes the losses. Theories of grief will be examined considering Matt, including complicating factors, and some suggestions will be made for working therapeutically with Matt.

Different Griefs

Worden (2008) and others such as Rando (1984, 1993), Rubin (1999), and Stroebe & Schut (1999) have all developed notable contemporary theories and models of grief however all address normal grief, commonly termed uncomplicated grief (Worden, 2008, p. 28), where the loss is clear.

For most of The Descendants however the losses experienced by Matt are anything but clear. Initially his wife is in a coma but might wake up, then he learns she was thinking of divorcing him, then she is definitely going to die but it is unclear when, only in the final minutes of the film does she actually die. Each of these is a different type of loss. It is not until the end of the movie that Matt is able to begin normally grieving the complete loss of his spouse.

Worden (2008) wrote that his Tasks of Mourning (pp. 43-52) are mediated by various factors including ambiguity (p. 60), however Boss (1999) has been much clearer in addressing ambiguity in loss and argues that the normal grieving process, what Worden writes about, cannot occur “because the situation is indeterminate. It feels like a loss but it is not really one. The confusion freezes the grieving process” (Boss, 1999, p. 11). Boss is explicit “traditional therapies are insufficient because closure, the usual goal in grief therapy, is impossible” (Boss, 2010, p.137).

Despite this claim by Boss, there is an absence of literature to explore whether Worden’s Tasks of Mourning can be adapted to ambiguous loss. It seems reasonable that with ambiguous loss Worden’s tasks could be adapted, for example, where Worden’s first task was Accept the reality of the Loss (Worden, 2009, p. 43) applied to an ambiguous loss this could become Accept the reality of the Ambiguous Loss. However since there is an absence of literature, and since at the end of the film Matt does get to experience the unambiguous loss of his wife, Matt’s ambiguous loss and uncomplicated grief will be examined separately.

Ambiguous Loss

Boss (1999) describes ambiguous loss as occurring when an “outside situation” (p. 10), not an internal state as with complicated grief, makes loss uncertain and prevents the normal grief process from occurring. Boss notes there are two types of ambiguous loss, where individuals are physically absent but psychologically present, or as in the case of Elizabeth, physically present but psychologically absent (Boss, 1999, p. 9).

First it is unclear if Elizabeth will wake from her coma. Matt initially has hope Elizabeth will wake up and they will be able to create a new life together. Later doctors make the severity of Elizabeth’s situation clear to Matt. It’s not if they will take her off life support but when. It is clear Matt is now going to lose his wife, but also those dreams of getting close to her again. Once off the machines she might last for a few days or weeks, it’s uncertain. What was already an ambiguous situation becomes even more ambiguous.

Matt looks on the verge of tears but doesn’t cry. He walks in a stupor across the hospital hallway and find’s Liz’s friends visiting her. They ask him for an update on her condition. He replies “Just more of the same...hoping for the best” (Payne, 2011). Matt has not yet accepted the reality of the loss (Worden, 2008, p. 43).

Disenfranchised Grief

As the movie progresses Matt has another loss. Matt learns that Elizabeth had been having an affair and was planning on divorcing him. He appears hurt and angry. He clenches his fists and punches the air. This loss is what Worden called a concurrent loss (p. 68) and more specifically Doka (2002) termed a disenfranchised loss, a “grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported” (p. 4). The loss is uncertain and difficult to mourn. Even this potential loss of the relationship is ambiguous – maybe they could have repaired their marriage, Matt will never know. Matt’s continuing bond (Klass, Silverman, & Nickman, 1996) and identity as Elizabeth’s husband will now remain uncertain, even ambiguous, unable to be resolved.

Matt had been stoic and appeared emotionally numb during the scenes with ambiguous loss. On learning Elizabeth was having an affair and was planning on divorcing him we see him cry for the first time. We also see him rage at Elizabeth, “Lying there on a ventilator and fucking up my life. You are relentless. You know what? I was gonna ask you for a divorce someday” (Payne, 2011).

Uncomplicated Grief
In the final minutes of the movie it is clear Elizabeth is near death. Matt is tender with her, patting hair away from her face. He kisses her on the lips and says “Goodbye, Elizabeth. Goodbye, my love. My friend. My pain. My Joy... Good bye. Good bye. Good bye” (Payne, 2011).

We see Matt cry openly for the first time.

After some scenic shots of Hawaii we then see Matt and his daughters floating on the ocean in an outrigger canoe with an urn of Elizabeth’s cremated ashes. They take turns pouring the ash into the ocean. Matt breaks the silence: “Well I guess that’s it” (Payne, 2011).

Worden’s Tasks of Mourning

For the sake of this essay it has been assumed that Boss (1999) is correct and Worden’s (2018) Tasks of Mourning (pp. 43-52) can only apply once Elizabeth has died and her loss is unambiguous. The difficulty is that Elizabeth’s death happens in the final minutes of the film and so it is difficult to see evidence of where Matt may be regarding tasks of mourning her actual loss. Matt’s way of navigating the ambiguous loss will be assumed to be similar to how he would handle the actual loss.

Worden’s Tasks of Mourning are 1. Accept the reality of the loss, 2. Process the Pain of Grief, 3. Adjust to a World without the Deceased, 4. Find a way to remember the deceased while embarking on the rest of one’s journey through life. Certainly Matt seems to have accepted the reality and begun processing the pain by saying an extended goodbye and crying openly with Elizabeth. Adjusting to the world without Elizabeth is less clear, though earlier in the film we witnessed Matt cooking breakfast, unsuccessfully, for Scottie, and we also saw him beginning to build a bond with the girls. This could be seen as the beginning of adjustment to life without Elizabeth.

There is not enough information in the film to determine whether Matt has or is able to work through Task 4, remembering the deceased while embarking on the rest of one’s journey through life. In the final scene we see the family wrapped in the quilt Elizabeth had in hospital, on a superficial level this does suggest they are keeping Elizabeth’s memory close while continuing to live.

Mediators of Mourning

Worden’s (2018) Mediators of mourning (p. 56) are what he terms the “second part” (p. 56) of the mourning process and explain how different individuals handle the tasks of mourning differently.

Kinship. The first mediator is kinship, or the relationship, and provides the “strongest predictor of grief” (Cleiren, 1993). Matt, as spouse, is likely to grieve more severely according to Cleiren’s 1993 study.

The Nature of the Attachment. Matt’s attachment to Elizabeth is unclear. Certainly there was ambivalence in the relationship and given marriage difficulties it is possible the strength of the attachment wasn’t as great as Matt himself said “like the early days” (Payne, 2011). The affair and possible divorce raise the level of ambivalence Matt may have felt towards Elizabeth.

How the person died. Worden’s identified how the person died as a mediating factor and certainly Elizabeth dies in a number of ways that Worden identifies as important: Matt was away when the accident happened, it was a traumatic accident, it was suggested it may have been preventable and definitely it is ambiguous.

Personality Variables - Age and Gender. Doka and Martin (2010) suggest that men favour an Instrumental form of grieving, “approaching the loss physically or cognitively” (Worden, 2018, p. 61). Matt shows very little emotion during the film, only a few brief times, but spends most of the movie cognitively grieving by doing tasks. We see him seeking out Elizabeth’s affair partner. He works. He runs. He makes breakfast. He tries to clean the pool for Alexandra. It’s all physical, cognitive and affectless.

Complicated Grief

Though the losses experienced by Matt in The Descendants are complicated, in the broad sense of this term, does it mean there is any evidence of complicated mourning?

Worden (2018) is explicit about complicated mourning, he breaks it down into a framework with four headings: chronic, delayed, exaggerated, and masked (pp. 112-117). Chronic relates to the length of grieving, delayed refers to a postponement of grieving, exaggerated refers to feeling overwhelmed or maladaptive behaviour, and masked refers to pain or somatoform disorders appearing in place of grief. Matt’s grief following Elizabeth’s death isn’t shown in any great detail so it would be difficult to assess this.

The DSM-V (2013) includes complicated grief as persistent complex bereavement disorder which has a number of diagnostic criteria including that the patient experiences going acute grief and the death occurred at least six months previously. Again the timeframe following Elizabeth’s death is not clear in The Descendants, and we simply do not know whether Matt would meet the criteria.

Working therapeutically with Matt

Worden’s Grief Counselling Model
Worden (2018) outlines ten principles (pp. 78-89) a grief counsellor should follow to help clients work through grief. They are: 1) Help the Survivor actualise the loss, 2) Help the survivor to identify and experience feelings, 3) Assist living without the deceased, 4) Help find meaning in the loss, 5) Help find ways to remember the decease, 6) Provide time to grieve, 7) Interpret Normal Behaviour, 8) Allow for individual differences, 9) Examine Defenses and Coping Styles and, 10) Identify Pathology and refer.

Matt struggled to reach his emotions in the movie, he was quicker to anger about the affair than sadness about the coma. He seemed emotionless when spreading her ashes and said “Well I guess that’s it” (Payne, 2011), an overly-cognitive response. Even when Matt collapses to his knees after telling Elizabeth’s friends she is going to die, he still does not cry. Using Worden’s Principles it seems that Matt may need particular help with step 2, identifying and experiencing his feelings.

Principle 4 may also be relevant, finding meaning can be particularly difficult when the loss is traumatic such as Elizabeth’s accident. Davis (2000) has said that it is rarely possible to find meaning in traumatic loss but counsellors can help grievers restore meaning in their lives, even if they cannot find meaning in the loss (p. 534).

 

Rubin’s Two Track Model of Mourning

Rubin’s Two Track Model of Mourning (1999) may be particularly useful for Matt. This model focusses on working through the biopsychosocial functioning of the griever but also the ongoing emotional attachment between the griever and deceased. In particular this model would explicitly encourage Matt to work through his negative perceptions and affect in regard to Elizabeth and any conflict between them. Given her affair and possible divorce, Matt need to give this particular attention and fold it into the meaning and memorialization of his relationship with Elizabeth. This is the only grief model that explicitly addresses this important aspect of Matt’s circumstances.

Conclusion

Matt King faced numerous, different losses in a short period. He experienced ambiguous loss, disenfranchised grief and finally uncomplicated grief. The losses came at different times and overlapped each other at times. He was still feeling the ambiguous loss of Elizabeth’s impending death when he began feeling disenfranchised grief about her affair. Finally Elizabeth died and most ambiguity, apart from her wanting to divorce him, was removed.

Working with Matt as a grief counsellor would require examination of numerous different topics, the coma, the ambiguity, the affair, the divorce, the lost dreams, new roles and identity, and not least her actual death.

 

References

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Doka K. (1989). Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrow. Lexington Books.

Doka, K., & Martin, T. (2010). Grieving beyond gender understanding the ways men and women mourn  (2nd ed.). Brunner-Routledge.

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Payne, A. (Director). (2011). The Descendants [Film]. Fox Searchlight Pictures.

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