Nicholas Purcell Psychotherapist

View Original

Why do cheaters lie?

Introduction

Why do cheaters lie? There are many reasons, as it turns out. Cheating is not a singular act but rather a series of choices made by someone who may be unaware of the devastation they're causing.

They lie because they're afraid of getting caught.

The most common reason that cheaters lie is because they’re afraid of getting caught. The more lies they tell, the deeper their web of deceit becomes and the harder it is for them to escape. They may promise you that nothing happened between them and your partner, but deep down inside they know what really happened and are trying to protect themselves by making up an elaborate story to explain away their actions.

If your partner has been unfaithful in the past, he/she may be afraid that you'll leave him/her if he/she confesses another affair. If he/she thinks you'll leave him/her anyway (for cheating), then why would he/her tell you or risk losing your trust? He/she might even think about hurting himself first so that it looks like his life was cut short by tragedy instead of being cheated on by his spouse.

Cheaters who have been caught red-handed have often rationalized their behavior with excuses such as "I didn't mean for things between us [your relationship]to go this far." Or "I just wasn't thinking straight." These excuses are lies designed to make cheating seem less deliberate than it really was—which means someone got hurt along the way!

They lie because society doesn't look kindly on cheaters.

It's true that society has shifted in the past few decades. People are more open about their sexuality and less likely to be judgmental of those who have sexual relationships outside of marriage. However, cheating is still seen as a moral failing and there are consequences for doing it.

Cheaters often find themselves shunned by their friends and family, which only makes them feel worse about themselves if they're already feeling guilty about what they've done. They may develop depression or anxiety because of the guilt associated with cheating and end up being unable to move forward with their lives until they admit their failings and make amends for them (even if just by apologizing).

They lie because it's an addiction.

Most cheaters are not liars. They may lie, but that’s not what makes them who they are. It's their addiction to the thrill of cheating, which comes in many forms:

  • The excitement of a new relationship.

  • The thrill of getting away with it.

  • The adrenaline rush or high that comes from the act itself or being caught red-handed and still getting away with it (or neither).

They lie to protect their partner from hurt.

You might think that your partner is lying because they want to avoid the truth. But it’s more likely that they are trying to protect you from hurt, and this can be a powerful motivator for lying.

They could be afraid of hurting you or risking losing you, so they try to make it seem like everything is fine by hiding what happened and telling lies about how much fun they had on their date with the other person at dinner last night. A cheater might lie about where he was all night because he wants to make sure his partner doesn’t find out who he was with if she asks him directly about where he went last night.

If your partner is attempting not just one lie but an entire web of them, then this could indicate an attempt at self-protection against being found out as well as feelings of guilt over what has been done already (so many lies means lots of potential ways for things to go wrong). If this sounds familiar with someone in your life right now—yourself included—it may be worth considering how much longer this relationship will last before making any rash decisions such as ending things altogether prematurely and ruining any chance at moving forward together later down road someday soon when mindsets settle back down into reality again after having gone through tumultuous times recently due mostly due stress levels caused by constant worry over whether or not someone else knew something bad would eventually happen eventually too sometime soon after awhile later today tomorrow maybe next week sometime

They lie because they honestly don't understand why you're upset.

Cheaters don't understand why you're upset. They may be angry that you're upset, but they genuinely have no idea why. They may also think that if they can just explain it to you, then everything will be fine. Their lack of understanding is not because they are callous or unempathetic people; it's because they haven't had any experience being cheated on before and thus have never had to deal with the consequences of their actions.

They lie to keep you around.

Cheaters tend to be afraid of being alone. They're also afraid that if you find out, you'll leave them forever because they've broken your trust and disappointed you in a way that's so egregious and embarrassing that it irreparably damages their relationship.

Because cheating can have such a profound impact on the cheater's life it's easy for him or her to fear what might happen if he or she confesses. It could mean losing their job, friends, family members' respect—or even custody of their child(ren).

No matter what reasons they give themselves for why they'd rather lie than tell the truth (and there are many), at its core is this: They're scared of how much worse it would be if things were different between them than they were before the infidelity took place.

They lie because they think that if you don't know, you won't be upset by it.

Cheaters lie because they think that if you don't know, you won't be upset by it. They're trying to protect you from the truth because they think that it's better for everyone. This can be especially true in cases where the cheating has been going on for a while and the cheater doesn't want to admit that their actions have consequences. It may also be an attempt at self-preservation: admitting guilt would mean owning up to something that could potentially destroy your relationship or career.

The liar is also trying to protect themselves from your reaction by lying about their infidelity (or anything else) so that when you find out about it later—by accident or otherwise—you'll feel less betrayed because there were no outright lies or manipulations involved in getting them there in the first place.

They lie because it's easier than admitting the truth

Cheaters lie because it's easier than admitting the truth.

  • They don't want to admit they've made a mistake.

  • They don't want to admit they've been caught and accused of wrongdoing, especially because this is likely to lead to an argument or fight.

  • They don't want to admit they've hurt their partner by cheating on them, even if that person has moved on and is no longer upset by the infidelity.

For these reasons, cheaters often lie about having cheated at all—even when confronted with evidence (such as text messages or photos) of their indiscretion!

Conclusion

Why do cheaters lie? Because they're afraid of getting caught, because society doesn't look kindly on cheaters, because it's an addiction and because they honestly don't understand why you're upset. They also lie because it's easier than admitting the truth.