Nicholas Purcell Psychotherapist

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Why avoiding conflict is not healthy in a marriage

Introduction

Most of us are familiar with the idea that conflict is healthy in a relationship. We hear it all the time. We also know that avoiding conflict can be bad for a marriage, but is it possible to go too far and start fighting too much? The answer isn't clear cut, but here's why we should avoid unhealthy conflict in our marriages at all costs:

There are actually some benefits of fighting

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. It's inevitable that you and your partner will disagree on certain things, especially as your needs change over time. But the way you handle conflict can have a huge impact on your marriage.

The benefits of fighting in marriage include:

  • Learning more about each other--If you and your spouse are going through rough times, it's important to understand why this is happening so that both of you can grow closer together. By talking through problems with each other rather than avoiding them or avoiding communication altogether (which could lead to resentment), both partners will learn more about themselves and each other in the process.* Growing closer together--When couples work through their differences in an open way that includes listening carefully and being honest about what they feel without making accusations or blaming one another for their problems, they will find themselves becoming closer than ever before.* Feeling more comfortable with each other--Communicating openly is essential for building trust between two people who love one another; however sometimes these conversations may not go smoothly at first because there are some things which we might prefer not knowing about our loved ones until later down the road when both parties feel ready enough emotionally after having built up enough trust between them beforehand."

How to fight well

When you're fighting with your partner, here are some ways to fight well:

  • Focus on the problem, not the person. It's easy to get caught up in arguing about who's right and who's wrong--but this kind of finger-pointing will only lead to more hurt feelings and resentment. Instead, focus on working together toward a solution that works for both of you.

  • Use "I" statements instead of accusations or accusations (or insults). For example: "I feel frustrated when we don't have time for each other anymore." This way, the other person doesn't feel attacked by what you're saying and can respond without getting defensive or angry themselves! Plus, it shows respect for their feelings as well as yours--a great way to improve communication between partners!

Fighting isn't always going to be negative

There are plenty of benefits to fighting that you may not have considered before. First and foremost, it can help solve problems in your marriage. You might think that arguing will only make things worse, but if you're able to talk through your issues in a positive way--without blaming or shaming each other--it can actually be very productive.

Secondly, fighting is also an opportunity for growth as individuals and couples. When we're faced with conflict, we tend to retreat into our shells rather than work through the issue at hand; however if both parties are willing (and able) to sit down together after some time has passed by themselfs without talking about what happened during their argument then this allows both sides an unbiased perspective which allows them both not only see why something happened but how important communication is when dealing with issues like these in order for any resolutions made between both parties involved can become more effective on future occasions where similar situations arise again later down along their journey together."

You can talk about something other than the issue at hand

Avoiding conflict can also be unhealthy because you don't have the opportunity to talk about your problems. When you avoid conflict, it's easy for small issues in your marriage to become big problems over time and lead to bigger issues in the future (like divorce).

If you want to avoid conflict and still communicate effectively with your spouse, try talking about something else instead of focusing on the problem at hand. You could talk about something that makes either one of you happy or an unrelated topic like sports or work as a way of calming down before moving forward into discussing what needs fixing in your relationship. Another option is changing up how exactly you discuss these things by asking questions rather than making statements so that neither person feels attacked by what was said previously

A lack of communication causes relationship issues

It is important to remember that avoidance is not a healthy solution. It doesn't help you resolve your problems and it can lead to resentment and anger. Communication is key in any relationship, but especially if you are married.

Avoiding conflict doesn't mean that you have no disagreements with your partner or that there are no issues in your marriage; it just means that the two of you have learned how to handle those disagreements without letting them tear apart what's most important: Your love for each other and commitment as husband and wife.

Conclusion

The bottom line is that fighting is a normal part of any relationship, and it's something you should be prepared for as you build your marriage.