Introduction

I've been seeing this guy for over a year and he keeps telling me that he will leave his wife for me. I just can't bring myself to believe him. We have had so many arguments about this and I feel like every time we fight, it's because of this issue. How long should I give it before I stop believing in him?

How long is a piece of string?

How long should you give it? That’s a tough one. It depends on the person, the situation and their values. The question is: how much do they love you? How much do they want to be with you? And how much do they love their spouse?

You could ask them to leave their spouse but that might not be realistic – especially if they don't want to. Or maybe they would leave but there are kids involved and so people can feel trapped and stuck in relationships even when other options are available.

He hasn't left, after all these years.

If he hasn't left yet, do you think he ever will?

The fact that he hasn't left his wife yet—after all this time and despite your "promises" (which were probably more like statements of hope than anything else)—is a pretty good indication that it's never going to happen. I get it: You're lonely, and his declarations of love for you are the only thing keeping you from cutting ties with him entirely. But even if leaving his wife were the only obstacle between them, there are still plenty of other reasons not to trust him. If a person has been unwilling or unable to change their life situation in a way that would make them happier, they aren't likely going to change their lifestyle anytime soon just because they got involved with someone new. And if they're willing but unable due to financial reasons or another factor outside their control? Well then all bets are off!

I'm not saying everyone should leave their spouse because someone else wants them too much; but when one person feels strongly enough about a relationship while another doesn't—or at least isn't willing/able at that time—it sets up an imbalance which makes things hard on everyone involved

And that's why you need to leave: Because if he isn't willing/able to change his situation right now, it's unlikely he ever will.

Conclusion

If he has been saying he will leave his wife for you for over a decade and hasn't left her yet, there is no guarantee that he ever will. This is especially true if he has children with his wife. He may feel too guilty to leave her because of his kids, or he may feel trapped in a relationship because the person who will have to raise them if they divorce is him. If this is the case then you need to walk away now before it gets any more serious between you two